hey, no problem on the hi-jack B4. Its good to hear you're still out there. You and AttTom and I all share such similar moments I kinda missed hearing about them (as sick as that sounds).
My M situation keeps on fading a bit at a time. W told me last night that she plans on going out Saturday night. At least I got advance warning this time. For now I am just recording it all potentially for an attorney. She also siad that we need to make time to discuss some "things" sometime soon. In the meantime, she is still not working even though she only has class two nights a week and still hasn't bouight that bed she said she was going to get to move into the spare room. I really don't want to dicuss "things" since I know that no good can come from the conversation. Then again, this has been going on now so long that I'm wondering what it would be like to have it over with. Sometimes I feel so lonely I'm just miserable. I really don't want a battle over the kids either but I am certain that will be inevitable.
The on top of it all.....S22's health is fading. His med regime isn't really working anymore. I'm afraid he doesn't have much time left now at all. I can't even begin to fathom what it will be like to lose my son and my M in short order and I can't imagine how horrible it will be for the other two kids to lose their brother and their family so close together. It makes me sick to even think about it.
Last edited by rhoch; 05/09/0704:12 PM.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
That sounds good B4. Have to find some middle ground and have a weekend gathering. If AttTom is out there, you're in Akron or nearby, yes? Maybe a gathering in Toledo or Ft. Wayne.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
A weekend gathering of LBS's of the mentally ill !
What a group we would make :). I am game... In canada from 7-7 to 7-15 but otherwise count me in ! Any potential diagnosis on your w, B4 ?
Rhoch,
I am so sorry to hear about your son. I cannot imagine the difficulties of being nailed on two fronts at the same time. Life can be so painful and unfair sometimes.. Hang in there !
No, same old same old. She is fine when she stays logical, but highly dysfunctional if she gets too stressed or drunk. From what I can see, her therapy has not helped her improve any of the childhood scars she got, and both of us agree she may never be able to overcome them. She was on meds but didn't like them, so she stopped them. I just hope she doesn't do something stupid that will force my hand before I can get out of there. I have told her that any more violence will result in my going for a TRO, and she knows I am not kidding.
I was hoping for the end of the month, but she is constantly changing the "deal", making it impossible for me to feel safe moving without the deal done. If I had moved in Oct like I was thinking I'd still be stuck in some dingy apartment waiting to get my equity, while she'd be sitting in the big house jerking my chain. This way, if she continues to mess with me, at least I see my kids seven days a week and am able to enjoy the fruits of my house labor for a few months longer. I just have to take her abuse, which I've been taking for almost three years and getting good at it. Somwhow I figure she'll still be messing with me after I move, so at this point, this is tolerable.
Tom, do you have a thread? What's your sitch?
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
I have resisted having a personal thread B4 as I know w lurks here and probably her OM also.
My sitch is basically, however, to make sure my three kids are safe and sound. This is the bottom line for me. I am also here to help others when I can do so.
I wish my W would lurk here, she might learn something. Cleveland in July....I guess I can think of worse places, lol.
Trying to keep the damage to my kids limited is where I am too Tom. The C I've been seeing has been nothing short of miraculous in helping me see the games and see when I'm being baited. She has also been absolutley piceless in helping me to see what W does/says that can damage the kids and how to counter-act it. My learning curve has been straight up. The only downsideis I keep thinking to myself....if only my W would learn what I've learned.....then I realize that learning it would mean she would have to take responsibility for her own garbage and just don't see that happening any time soon. Its always easier to hide it and dump it someone else than deal with it yourself. At least until your own personal landfill is too big to hide anymore.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
Hello all. I mostly read, have posted once. The one thing that I notice is that everyone is quite serious since separation about making things right to get back together, while trying to discourage, shall we say, odd behaviors. So, now that I have been separated for 9 months (H left for another city), and am really quite comfortable haveing DB'd my way to being comfortable and changing who I am and balancing my life with two D's 4 and just-turned-1, I am having second thoughts about actually reconciling. So begs the question, Now what?
I guess the now what is dependent on what you want and what you think is best for your kids. If you decide it is all over then I would say that there are two things big in your favor. First is that your kids are still pretty young, especially a 1 yo. The second is that H has moved out of town. I think most of us here would agree that our lives would be much better if our spouses would just kind of go away if they are not working to reconcile and make things better. The strain is in the constant daily battles with few if any bright spots on the horizon. Quite honestly, even though in a perfect world, my W would get her head out of her @#%, and work to make herself and us better, I have often thought about how much easier it would be if she would just go away somehow and leave our kids and I alone. Sometimes I frighten myself by thinking how much better off I would be as a widower rather than fighting this battle.
Soooo, I don't know how interested your H is in being with his kids, but him being away definitely helps.
In the meantime you should be honestly assessing yourself to see how the role you played fit into your relationship, so you can work to not repeat the same mistakes in the future.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
