Thanks for reading and responding. You read it right. I didn't like the way he said "IT" -- I guess as opposed to ME. A small thing that normally I would have tried to ignore, but I'm thinking more and more I need to try and uncover my issues with sex.
When I said, "So, in a perfect world, I shouldn't have said anything?" I mean, if I were a perfect DR student, I wouldn't have pointed out that I didn't like what he said? I guess I would have purred something sexy back at him, but I want him to know when I find him a bit "crude" and it doesn't turn me on. I *AM* trying to see his requests as desiring intimacy between us, but let me put it bluntly: My husband got caught in an emotional email affair a month and a half ago and he says that what will help him get over the past (which drove him to it) is me shaving, swallowing and engaging in anal sex. Sorry to be graphic, but I *AM* trying to "meet him in the middle" and HEAR from that, "honey, I really want to feel close to you and feel validated by you and have the fireworks and excitement we had in the beginning."
I guess in a nutshell, I am more into ML and he is more into F#$%ing. A common problem, I'm sure, but there is a part of me that's like, Yeah, I see that things had gotten a bit humdrum, but give me a break, we have had a preschooler and an infant and our sex life is not that bad! For him to run to an email affair as an "escape" is a bit of an insult, and we hardly ever even TALK about his mistakes, we mostly talk about his pain, what I did to HIM 15 years ago.
My whole reason for being here is that I am trying not to force the "I'm right" I want to save my marriage, but at times I have a hard time where to draw the line between changing too much, (making myself into a doormat) and changing in positive ways, for the good of my R.
