One of the main reasons I'm periodically convinced Cemar is a bot/ someone's writing project is because in all these years, I haven't even seen a flicker of a sense of humour in him. Is that possible? CAN he be real?
Maybe, maybe not. He could also be extremely literal because of some kind of disorder. Kids with Asperger's do not read social clues. They interpret things very literally and cannot read between the lines. They are often associated with high IQs.
I have asked CeMar if he has ever been diagnosed with anything like this, but he hasn't answered. Maybe he hasn't been diagnosed, doesn't have any idea what I am talking about, and therefore hasn;t responded? Who knows.
Another thing that leads me to suspect Asperger’s-like symptoms with CeMar is the curious lack of reactivity in him, just as Southerngirl mentions. I have not seen him ever get mad. Even when someone attacks him, he does not seem to internalize it, which leads me to now suspect that he doesn’t “get” those attacks either. Could that be consistent with what his W might be experiencing?
Rather than get mad, CeMar just goes away for a while. He then comes back with the same tunnel vision type of question. It is like an obsessive-compulsive thing with him. I find it hard to believe someone has the endurance to keep up a “game” like this on the board for so long. That’s why I wonder if there is a better explanation. Asperger’s kids don’t necessarily get mad over attacks on their ego, their self respect, etc. They get mad and obsess over principals, morals, whatever it is they have made into a passion. CeMar is fixated on sex but does not seem to be able to relate sex as an act to himself as a person. Anyone else see other things in him?
I have never been focused on sex, I am always focused on sexual desire. The two are NOT the same, not even close.
As for what I want, what is it that I want that is NOT normal? I want sex, I want oral sex, I want kissing, I want cuddling, I want playfulness. What on this list is abnormal behavior?
What is being seen as NOT normal is not what you want... but the fact that you cannot or will not answer a direct question.
GEL and many others have asked you repeatedly what you have said to your wife to let her know that those things you just listed for Heyre are what you want and need from her.
Yet you have not answered. This is the behavior of yours that everyone is seeing as abnormal.
Cemar The problem with LD women is that being sexual is NEVER the focus of their lives.
I was reading a woman's post on another forum and she wrote "my MIL, age 59, told her H that she didn't want to have sex with him and he could D her if he need to do that."
Major bummer.
So, Cemar, some people don't think about wanting to have sex with someone to the point that they are willing to give up the M.
What some people are trying to tell you, it could be worse, and look at the sex you do have as a gift in some little way.
I never said any of those things were NOT normal. What I (and oodles of others) have been saying is that YOUR version of what you see as "normal" is not necessarily what you wife sees as HER normal. So, you insist on distorting your version of what SHE should be doing, never taking into consideration that perhaps she is thinking the exact same thing about YOU
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Not ONE of us have said that what you want is not normal, not one of us....you have twisted our words again. What we have said is..
YOUR APPROACH DOESN'T WORK, YOU FOCUS ON THE WRONG THINGS, YOU AVOID ANSWERING DIRECT QUESTIONS, YOU GIVE A DISTINCT LACK OF INFORMATION AND EXPECT ANSWERS, YOU WANT GUARANTEES BEFORE YOU WILL TRY SOMETHING YOU AVOID ISSUES OF YOUR OWN BY SIMPLY NOT RESPONDING TO POSTERS WHO CHALLENGE YOU YOU TWIST OTHERS WORDS TO FIT YOUR PERCEPTION YOU BLAME YOUR WIFE FOR THE SITUATION YOU ARE IN AND DON'T LOOK TO YOURSELF FOR ANY RESPONSIBILITY YOU WON'T TRY ANYTHING UNTIL YOU KNOW IT WILL WORK (THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES) WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING IF YOU'VE COMMUNICATED THE PROBLEM TO YOUR WIFE, BECAUSE Y OU DON'T TELL US IF YOU HAVE. MANY OF US HAVE ALSO TOLD YOU TO SEEK OUT COUNSELING, YET YOU NEVER RESPOND TO THAT EITHER.
Those ARE things that have been said to you and about you. Not every poster has said every single thing, but a great many of us have said several of them time, and time, and time again to you. I'm sure others can think of things I didn't put on that list.
You know what CeMar, I get a distinct impression...that you probably are no picnic to live with. Why? Because you are VERY difficult to communicate with. If you don't hear what YOU want to hear you shut someone down by just not responding...do you do that to your W? Just curious. If you do (not saying you do) that in and of itself can be another reason why you aren't making progress in your marriage the way you want to. Feeling shut down by someone would kill my sexual desire for them too...it used to with my XH, and at times earlier in my current marriage it did with my H as well.
Maybe, maybe not. He could also be extremely literal because of some kind of disorder. Kids with Asperger's do not read social clues. They interpret things very literally and cannot read between the lines. They are often associated with high IQs.
I have asked CeMar if he has ever been diagnosed with anything like this, but he hasn't answered. Maybe he hasn't been diagnosed, doesn't have any idea what I am talking about, and therefore hasn;t responded? Who knows.
I'd agree with you, and I've had the same thought, if it wasn't for his insistence on "desire". That's ...how do I explain it? An emphatic wish, isn't t? Would someone with an autism spectrum disorder really worry about that?
Even now, I call him a bot, he does ...nothing. Doesn't confirm, deny, crack a joke, sign his post in binary code, something. It's just odd.
Maybe it's all a ploy to get us to talk about something else other than our own problems?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
