Well, here's the thing -- as you can tell from reading this thread, it is hard to start trusing your H or W again after they have cheated. However, if you are willing to stay w/ your H and are willing to forgive him, you need to get the Divorce Remedy book, read lots & lots of stuff here and start DB'ing immediately.
My H said he wanted a D also and we are now pretty ok and have a much better M than we did before -- I even think our M is better now than before and I wasn't even the one wanting the D.
You just have to stop snooping because it doesn't help or solve anything. Yes, you "bother to put in the effort" BUT ONLY IF you truly want to save your M. You DON'T give up and yes, there is lots that you can do at this point, but you have to stick around here and read the book. (I know, I sound like a commercial) but the DB'ing is the only thing that saved my M!!!
Look at yourself and try to figure out what you could change for the positive in your M. For me, it was just being there for me, talking to him, spending time w/ him, having sex more often, doing more around the house, etc. It's all become 2nd nature to me now, but it does require effort which I wasn't putting in before the D bomb. When you get married, have kids, work full-time, life comes at you w/ all kinds of stress, I think a lot of people's M's get put to the back burner. It takes effort!!! You truly have to actually think about it; you can't just go through life, living day to day, because it will get the best of you in the end. Love him, be his friend and put some effort into yourself and your M.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
