Mine's not so much the forgiving, it's being able to trust him again and always wondering what he's doing, if he's talking to someone again. I don't think I could stay w/ him if I hadn't forgiven him for doing what he did. I won't ever completely understand it though because as bad as things got, I can't imagine ever doing that to him. But then, I guess maybe I shouldn't say that because the opportunity never presented itself either -- who knows what I would honestly do if it did or had. I always said "you cheat, you're gone," however, when it actually happened and was told about it, I stayed. I didn't know it was going on when it happened, so I guess he was pretty good at hiding it all.
Like I said, I feel as if I put in all the work to repair the M, honestly repairing my "transgressions" in the M and putting the effort needed into the M so that it would be healthy again, but it feels like he's just "along for the ride." He's staying, says he loves me and misses me, acts as if nothing ever happened.
I guess it's also my insecurity in overdrive too. The old "am I ever going to be enough for him" scenerio. The "what is he REALLY thinking/feeling" thoughts.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
