HM, personally, you sound strong to me. With what you have gone through and you still keep moving on. Making lists about possible futures is something a strong person does. I am saying this to myself as I write this (as I say it to myself everyday) is to not worry about the what ifs. They do not help you. You concentrate on yourself and your children. He will do what he is doing for now and he will make lots of mistakes. You build you and your children up with the understanding your H is not well.

What he will get when he comes home is a spouse that is confident in herself and "chooses" to be with her H.

BTW, when I read about your weight loss, I now think of you as 1/2 missing in weight and not that your other half (your H) is missing. You may have to change your name to 1/4 missing

Me:56, W:51
D:26,S:24,S:22
Married:18
Bomb 9/27/06
Separated 11/27/06
Divorced 10/6/08
Leaving it up to God