wot shld i do?

[Corri]

CC:

I don't know if it will help you or not, but you might want to read a recent thread of mine:
A Little Story to Tell You

I know about drinking and depression, and a whole host of other very, very dark things that can get you derailed in life.

I was married to a man, much like your H.

Take a gander at my thread, and keep posting.

Corri

[qoe100]

CC,
Glad you're finding some help and comfort here. We were worried about you. We really are like a big family.

Try to post a little every day and tell us how the day went for you. There's nothing you could post that hasn't been heard before so please don't be embarassed about anything. We understand.

[koshka]

Cntcope,

i am not ok
...
i feel ashamed

You are ok. Your drinking might not be ok. That's not who you are.

There is no reason to be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. You did a very good thing for yourself and for your children by reaching out when you needed help.

Please reach out again. Find someone in the "real world" who can help you now. There are counselors and therapists who will help if you seek them. AA is a wonderful way to find people who care, but it is not therapy or a substitute for therapy.

It sounds to me like both AA and a therapist/counselor/other mental health professional would be good for you now. Of course, only you can decide. As you decide, please don't discount all the real experience so many people here are sharing with you because we care.

More prayers,

Joe

[25yearsmlc]

cc,

I thought I'd posted correctly but seems I didn't. Just wanted to tell you that a very good friend's father took his life b/c he was hurting. Thing is, it really really deeply scarred most of his kids. Even his grandkids ask things like "What happened to grand-pa?" "Why didn't he want to know us?" So, it leaves a legacy of what not to do when in pain.

Since your h is not much of a model for your kids, it's even more important that YOU be there for them as a person with grace and dignity facing a terrible heartbreak and betrayal. THEY WILL FACE similar heartbreaks and setbacks, so you must model for them how to deal with it. Otherwise you model for them that pain is fatal and eternal and it is neither.

Instead, show your kids what it's like to take control over Your happiness and make sure the 2nd half of your life is what you want it to be. Doing what it takes for your life to change for the better will leave a legacy of what life is supposed to be like for your kids and their kids and their kids, and YOU.

With God as my witness, I KNOW this too will pass AND you will be happy again. Who knows? You might meet someone else...(I know that's not DB of me, but wth?)

God bless,
j-

[Committed2Him]

Hi CANcope,

I noticed one post was made late at night, early in the morning so just posting in case you pop online.

You wouldn't know it from the posts on your thread but many of the people posting to you are enjoying really good lives now. I would bet some of those people thought at one point or another that things were so bad, maybe there was an easy way out?

But they found their reasons to keep fighting the good fight and they are now glad they did.

So, what is your first step going to be? Inquiring minds want to know and want to support that first step.

[qoe100]

Hey CC,
How are you doing?

[Committed2Him]

CC, (Like that name- my XSIL's name, really neat person and we still get along)

Inquiring minds are curious and some are praying for you.

Hey, here's one of the old Divorce Busting recommendations. Do something nice just for you. What about a hot bubble bath, maybe after the kids are in bed? Light a candle or two and play your favorite relaxing music. 25 minutes of that and you'll sleep like a baby.

Blessings to you.

[Committed2Him]

CC,

Post and let us know how you are

[25yearsmlc]

cc,

are you okay?
j-

[Tia]

Hi CC!
How is everything? We all are rooting for you. We hope you visit again.


Here's a article from Michele!

*******************************************************

Don't Forget About You.



Today I want to write about topic that I think is so important as you are working on improving your marriage. Too many people work so hard at getting things right with their spouses, that that's their only focus. They lose concentration at work. They lose interest in friends and engaging in pleasurable activities. Sometimes they forget to eat or eat too much. Becoming a couch potato isn't all that uncommon.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, I want you to think about something very important. While you're working hard to turn things around in your marriage, you really need to take good care of yourself. You need to shine a light on self care by asking yourself, "What have I done recently to keep myself healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually?"

If you have a hard time answering this question, you will undoubtedly feel drained, depressed, unhappy, anxious and lifeless. You are probably ignoring important people in your life. You will challenge your immune system and dull your zest for life. And, in so doing, you are also lessening the chances that your spouse will see in you the wonderful, spirited person you really are. So, it's time for a change.

Starting tomorrow, promise yourself that you will make you a bigger priority. Get off the couch and exercise. Do it every day. Research has shown that exercise can be as effective as antidepressants for people who are feeling down or even clinically depressed. Make sure your exercise is aerobic. Pay more attention to breathing deeply. Deep breaths are calming. I'm sure you could use a sense of peace in your life. And while you're calming yourself down, yoga and meditation have proven themselves to be effective methods for reducing stress and increasing a sense of well-being. There are classes wherever you go. And if you don't like the idea of taking a class, you can learn how to meditate right at home...even in your p.j.'s. Or get a yoga DVD at the grocery store or library. There's no excuse for sitting still or pacing nervously. Do something constructive. If you're eating too much or too little, don't give yourself permission to continue this unhealthful habit. Nourish your body sensibly. Eating right fortifies your strength and your spirit. And don't forget a massage. It will fill up your senses.

Some people have told me that they find peace in keeping journals. If you're the writing sort, pull out a notebook and start writing your feelings. Do it every day. Writing can be incredibly healing.

If you are a people-oriented person but the mood to be with others hasn't been striking you lately, push yourself out the door. Remind yourself that there is a world outside of your current uncomfortable situation. It will be good for your soul and your self-esteem.

If you are spiritual, make sure you spend some quiet time in prayer. You will find solace in your faith.

Okay, you might be saying to yourself, "I know all of this stuff Michele is writing about, it's common sense." But I will tell you that, in my experience, when people get stressed out, they often stop being loving to themselves. I just want to remind you that you deserve love. Even if things are really tough at home, you still deserve to be cared for and cherished. If you're not getting this from your spouse right now, you need to do it for yourself. Just consider this message a gentle reminder to be nice to you.

And finally, if talking things out helps you clear your head and feel more centered, call a friend or relative to whom you haven't spoken in a long time. Or if you feel that your situation is too personal, consider talking to a Divorce Busting coach who can help you feel better about yourself and approach your life and your marriage more proactively.

Whatever you decide to do, do it tomorrow (or today!). Better times are right around the corner...
******

Write when you can.

With Love,
/Tia