marriage is awful, but I'm OK

[built4speed]

Hey, good to see you guys are still hanging in. My sitch is still progressing much too slowly. Still in the house, still no real final disposition on the financials or the CS. Theoretically we have agreed on the parenting plan (I get them half the time). W is occasionally unraveled, a bit more than in the past. As long as she stays in her logical brain, she does very well, sane and thoughful. When she gets her emotions running she becomes scared, angry, paranoid and cruel. It's a real Jekell/Hyde thing. Saturday, I had her say the cruelest things and then an hour later need a hug from me so badly she couldn't function until she got one. She accused me of being in-human, not wanting to comfort a human being in pain. So I gave her one. It was our first hug in months. She cried, I just wanted her to go away. Then she did great the rest of the day. It's the strangest thing I've ever seen. She still draws much strength from me.

I have been forced to draw some boundaries for her, and for the most part she respects them when I do. I might have to tell her I'm going to have to enforce one if her behavior doesn't change, and she might be mean about it for a few minutes, but then she gives in. The boudaries are about respect (not being mean to me) and about violence (she threw something at me Saturday that did not hit me, and I said that needed to stop in no uncertain terms or I would go for a TRO - an hour later she apologized and agreed she was wrong and I was right to push back).

She has never lied to me, but in the last few weeks she has said things that she later said were only to get a reaction from me. She claimed to feel suicidal (then 20 minutes later said it wasn't true), she claimed to have an atty lined up to file a traditional D (until I pointed out that was a violation of the collaborative agreement she'd signed - then she said it wasn't true). And she keeps taking random postions on the settlement (she wants to split everything evenly - except the house equity, she gets all of that!). Then she demands a date for me to move out. I explain that with her inconsistent behavior, there is no way I can move and then have her claim some ridiculous position and I'm stuck in some crappy apartment with no way to get my equity unless I agree to something absurd. But then she fantasizes that the real reason I'm staying is that I plan to force her out, or some other nonsense. It often doesn't matter what I tell her, she makes up a story to match her mood at the time.

She asked me what were the things that I thought were not negotiable for me. In a moment of stupidity, I mentioned I would not be happy if she attmpted to change the 50-50 deal with the kids. That was at 11 last night. At 5:30am this morning she is already in my room telling me she doesn't think she can live with a 50-50 arrangement! Wow, that was a record. Only six and a half hours from discussion to the stab in the back. I plan to ignore she ever said it, and see what happens. Last week she was complaining she wasn't getting enough time away from them and negotiated that I take them for three weekends in a row in June (we are trying to implement the plan by having primary responsibility for the kids on the days the parenting plan says). At this point I can believe nothing she says until the judge signs it.

Sorry for the hi-jack!