How do I know if it is MLC

[ShadesofGrey]

Hi Mimi,

Just wanted to pop by to say welcome, sorry you are here, but welcome.

Your H sounds so much like mine. Like MANY on this bb. It is frightening to think about how similar they all are!!

RCR gives wonderful advise. She is so intuitive and wise, listen to her.

This is a VERY LONG ride. Sorry, but true. Keep posting here. You will get more resposes. The people on this board are very loving and supportive. You have come to a wonderful place.

Love,
Shades

[saddadinkc]

You Rock Fig! Just thought I'd stop "lurking" long enough to say that! Have a great week !!

[bright 2 morro]

I can not help but still think "Why is he doing this to me?" Our marriage was good and he was always faithful. Everyone tells me thisis not about me but. How could he be doing this? When this first started (and less now). He says he still cares about me a lot and does not want to be hurting me. Then why does he. Is he even aware of the fact that he says that but then does nothing to stop it.

I am trying to understand why this is happening. I wish I could get him to counciling by himself or with me. I know that I can not force him to go. But uuuuuuuurrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!. This is so frustrating.

Hopelessly in Love with someone I can not have anymore.

mimi

[HalfMissing]

I don't think anyone can understand why this is happening. Even my H admits our marriage was good - he just had to leave. They are sick, but it doesn't excuse their behavior.

I wish my H would go to counseling too, but he refuses. I don't think he would be in the right mindset anyway. It would just be an excuse for him to say he "tried". I am going today to a counselor for me. I have to deal with things better.

[bright 2 morro]

I am also going to my coucilor today. I also have an appointment with a lawyer to find out my rights. I have to think about our 3 kids.

I have just started considering that this is mlc and need some guidance from the councilor. I am not even sure how to deal with this and still hold out hope. I am not sure if I can wait upwards of 2 years. I need some help trying to figure that out.

I know that this does not excuse his behavior but it does somewhat explain it. At least it has given me some insite that it was not me and our past was not always bad (like he says). He actually just recently told me that no councilor would fix this. He said that we had 14 years to get it right and we couldn't.

Now I know that this has not been bad 14 years and he probably does still love me but does not want to see that.

Mimi

[fig]

(hair fluffing)

Thanks for the rock comment....

everyone needs a little ego hug every now and then

mimi...
Like I said...only you can decide how long to wait but standing is definitely in order and who ever said it before said it best...standing doesn't mean standing still. I stood for as long as I could but the whole time I was growing and changing things about myself that I needed to change for me. You need to own your own behavior in your marriage. You can use this time to really look deep inside yourself and find the things that need to be changed and then change them. the changes are for you...not for your spouse or your marriage but for YOU...to make you a better person.

My marriage didn't survive (but LSS is special case) but I did!!! I am much healthier and happier than I have ever been. I am able to see blessing in my life everyday and my life and my boys' lives continue to get better and better every day.

Perhaps I needed to have this happen in order to propel myself forward into a better place....who knows but I do know that once I decided to stand for me, there was calm amoungst the storm and I could actually feel mysefl growing.

[Lissett]

Mimi, i call my daughter that (sigh) And my grandmother calls me Mimi ( i love it)

Take one day at a time, if ou look at this down the road as years, you will never make it. It will be overwhelming.

Go half hour at a time. By the time that half hour is done, you can say, phew, i made it, I didn't crumbnle. I didn't leave my kids somwhere, they are all here, then count them, 1, 2, 3


Then go on to the next half hour. Go to counseling, and see what your rights are. That is all wonderful.

Then, let go and let God. I am sooooooo good at giving that advice, I just don't always take it,

so for me, try to take my advice

[HalfMissing]

Now I know that this has not been bad 14 years and he probably does still love me but does not want to see that.

I know I had a good relationship for 23 years with my H. I KNOW he loved me as of a few months ago. It is so hard to see the total lack of concern for me now. I wonder if it is the MLC or if some people just don't care about people they are not "in love" with. H has no friends now and has only had a few in the past. I have seen him talk to his mother with a total lack of caring and now he talks to me that way.

I find myself looking back to myself and the days before H and I married and trying to see what kind of person I was. We all make changes to ourselves when we are in a relationship, and I find myself trying to reconnect with that person I once was before H. It is weird. It is almost as if I am trying to blot out the last 23 years in my mind.

[Rollercoasterider]

I can not help but still think "Why is he doing this to me?" Our marriage was good and he was always faithful.

Everyone tells me this is not about me but. How could he be doing this?

He says he still cares about me a lot and does not want to be hurting me. Then why does he.

I am trying to understand why this is happening.

To answer your questions is to go into the psychology of MLC and Depression. We all ask why and lack understanding.

Why does a schizophrenic think he is Jesus?

Because he is insane.

But that's not really an answer is it. It doesn't provide understanding of why he is insane, what made him insane, what has happened biologically, emotionally, genetically or experientially.

I have written posts about the psychology of MLC. Maybe it is time for another. (I'm also supposed to be writing about grace and steps in standing too... )

Sweetheart and I are busy today--counselling and then afternoon biking. I will think on this and see what I can do for you...but it may be a few days.

HUGS,
RCR

[bright 2 morro]

Ok folks, Today I went to the councilor. The same one we saw together 5 weeks ago. He agreed with me and is going to help me get through the decisions that I need to make.

Then I proceed on to the lawyers office. He advised me of my rights and what I could do and what to watch out for. So far he does not think I am in to much trouble. He is not taking tons of money (why would he when he is a kept man now). But I know that all I have to do is call him and the family court is a done deal. I feel much more comforatble knowing that.

He was supposed to watch our boys tonight and mow the lawn. Guess what. He got tied up at "work" and could not make it here to do the lawn before he watched the boys. So I guess I get to take them with me to bring my daughter to dance and errands.

I am still wondering if he will do the lawn (ha ha). Oh yeah very reliable. He has been telling me he is goin to do the lawn for 2 weeks now. I guess I will be shocked when it actually happens.

I am not sure how to act around him yet. I am trying to not talk about anything having to do with us or OW. I am walking on "eggshells". What do I talk to him about? Sun, Sky, Moon, trees, grass. Ok that gets pretty boring. Do I talk to him about things in my life? Help Help Help How do I get him to talk to me. We used to talk about tons of things. But now I have no idea what to talk to him about. It is uncomfortable.

Mimi