Here, here GEL - that's the only way to do it. You have to decide what is REALLY important to you and STICK with it. It's like telling a child over and over again that if they do a certain thing they will be punished for it, and never carrying it through. They call your bluff every time.
Until the bluffing is over, they will continue to play you at every opportunity they can
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I don't appreciate you saying that I and others are being "played". If we choose to give AN the benefit of the doubt, that's our business. I happen to have KNOWN someone personally who is very much like AN, so for me...his story is absolutely believable. If you don't buy it...don't post.
AN, I am probably the last person qualified to post here, but FWIW:
Run, RUN FAST, RUN AWAY, RUN ON EMPTY, RUN SMOOTH, RUN SILENT, RUN DEEP, BUT RUN!!!!.
I suggest that you re-read the entire thread(s). The whole story is glareingly clear to all who read it (to me at least). You have gotten the very best advice here.
Based on your side of the story, this woman is POISON. Her reactions to your attempts at regaining control of YOUR LIFE tell the tale. She at first, acts angry when you begin to set limits then manipulative when you stand by them (sort of, she sees a crack in the wall here), then, all of a sudden, soft and placating (trying to breech the gap more and regain control).
I agree with others on this board when they say, if you give her the chance to get her foot in the door she will be the perfect mate up to the point that she feels she has regained control. THen it will all come to a screeching halt. By then it will be too late. You will be married and/or have given her a stable base to operate from as she seeks out greener pastures. Make no mistake, she will.
I also agree she is prob looking for a replacement. Just a hunch. Regardless, she is absolute poison to you.
You work out, stay fit, take care of yourself. You are giving and compassionate. You are open to communicating to your mate and offer intamacy that a lot of men are unable to give. You are in touch , to some degree, with your emotions and able to put voice to them. There are PLENTY of other women who wouldbe greatful to find a man like you. Women who are also looking for the same thing as you. Women who bowhunt.
Come on man, Dont do this to yourself. It is hard to break it off because it is an admission that we made a mistake or that we can not be "what she needs". This can feel like a failure. But what she REALLY needs and what you ARE are two VERY VERY diifernet things and that is a VERY VERY GOOD THING. She needs to grow up, YOU are grown up. She needs to get a grip, YOU have a grip. She needs to accept responsibility for her life, YOU are a resposible individual. YOU can NOT fix HER!!! Nor should you try. It is NOT YOUR JOB. She needs to fix HERSELF.
Cut bait AN, Get out now and minimize the damage. My guess is that the drama is just begining and the sooner she is gone the less there will be.
Please know that I am no expert, and your milage may vary. I am also going to ask for fogivness ahead of time for my presumptive attitude here. I just ACHE because I see so much of me in you.
I agree 100% with OldTimer from the beginning of the first thread.
Troll...
I think the only ones being played here are the fine regular posters here on SSM...
Hey, if you 100% agree with me, then you also agree that we should trust GEL's opinion here, which was good enough for me ;-p
AN,
Here's the thing. Right now, the sitch IS IN FACT "put out or get out."
So, if she says that again, all you need to do is agree with her: "That's right, GF. I'm not willing to pursue an R any longer unless I KNOW through action that we can have a healthy, passionate R with a dynamic sex life."
BTW, I seriously doubt GF is highly orgasmic. She is probably faking, which may indeed be at the root of the problem here. She uses sex for lots of other things, getting attention, getting men, feeling powerful, controlling things in her life, and so on, but nothing you have written suggests that she really enjoys sex. Instead, what comes out in what she tells you is a loathing of sex. Make that SERIOUS LOATHING of both her own and your sexuality. I don't have time to go into it here, but there is a major discussion that started on Chrome's thread on faking orgasms and is continued in another thread that might be worth looking at.
As for the partner swapping and swinging, that is pretty unlikely to bring real sexual enjoyment to a woman. A new partner has a high learning curve to bring a woman to O and random one night stands just aren't going to do it. So, that lifestyle suggests she is traumatized in someway and using sex for things other than sexual pleasure. It in no way suggests she is HD, for instance, in any healthy way related to sexual enjoyment. She might have craved sex during that period, but for other reasons.
