CeMar, That still does not answer the question I put to you.
What you are telling me is her perception of the problem. (FWIW, her focusing on "SEX" as the issue, is no different than how steadfastly you focus on "DESIRE"...she doesn't get it....it's as if you two are on polar ends of the conversation.)
What I asked, is what have YOU have SAID to her. Not how did she respond. Literally, what are the words that YOU have used to communicate to her? Give me a sentence that YOU have used in your attempt to communicate. It's not a difficult request I'm putting forth.
If you are communicating to her in the way you try to communicate with others on here....she won't get it. Why? Because you talk around issues...you really don't talk about the issue. You really don't answer anything directly on here, you talk around stuff and that leads to people becoming frustrated/esasperated in their attempts to communicate with you. So if you do that with her...that adds to the problem.
HD personality types are fun, LD personality types are NOT fun.
I am not so sure about that but I'll assume you are generalizing. I know HD men and women that are not that fun at all. But then again I suppose some of it has to do with your definition of fun...
It's like all the FUN gets sucked out when women lose their sex drive.
I am not a mom or LD so take this for what it is worth... I have a feeling some LD moms might reverse that statement:
When all the FUN gets sucked out of their lives, then these women lose their sex drive.
Having constant work and pressure on you all the time makes having fun seem impossible which I am sure diminishes the desire for sex in many. That's what some men don't seem to understand. Their wives work so hard at keeping the house, taking care of the kids, etc. and the husbands see some of their wives work as needless. So they make more and more time for their fun and their wives resent that their husbands are able to have fun while they are "stuck" doing all the work. And it DOES NOT help the wife for the husband to casually remark that the wives should have "more fun." First it condescends to the wife as if her priorities are unimportant to the husband and alienates the wife from her husband.
So my solution would be to HELP the wife bring her life back into balance (by respecting her priorities, seeing where you CAN help, having the FUN that she likes, etc.) so she CAN have more fun and maybe just maybe get her sex drive back...
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
HD personality types are fun, LD personality types are NOT fun
There you go generalizing AGAIN CeMar. This is YOUR perception, please stop projecting your perception onto EVERYONE in a group of people.
I can think of PLENTY of HD people I've known in my past I would not consider fun. I can also tell you that I consider my H...FUN. When I was LD, I was still a fun person to be around...I can tell you my H at that time still would have told you I was a fun-loving woman. We had great times...our sex life was just off.
My H is a ND (I could only wish he was a LD) and yet I still find him incredibly "FUN" to be around. I don't think there is anyone in this world I would rather spend my time with. He has an incredible sense of humour, is kind, and just an all-around good person (believe it or not). And, it is not just me that says these things, so it must be true.
On the other hand, I have know a fair amount of HD people that I did not find pleasant to be around at all. As a matter of fact, a lot of them seemed quite stressed out about life, something like you are coming across to me right now (just my opinion, of course)
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
When all the FUN gets sucked out of their lives, then these women lose their sex drive.
Are YOU fun, CeMar? My xH was definitely HD, but I would never label that man as fun. Ever. I mean, he liked to be entertained, especially by me... but as far as creativity went... nothing. NOTHING. No spontaneity, no planning... his idea of a fun day would be working in the yard, golfing and grilling out. Which... isn't bad... but I wouldn't necessarily rate it high on the fun-o-meter.
The guy I am dating... now he is FUN. And I'm thinking it might have more to do with his general outlook on life. He is very much an optimist, where my xH was very much a pessimist. My boyfriend is interesting, to me, because HE is so interested in life. He goes and DOES things, and he does that whether I am with him or not. He likes for me to be with him... but his interest in life does not evaporate simply because I am not around. Ewh.
I'm sure, give what you've said about your wife/family life, your existance is very much routine. That is not uncommon for most folks. You get into a day-to-day grind.
But if all you are willing to do is gripe about it, and not take some risks to change it... don't know that any of this discussion really matters.
We are an incredibly busy couple. My wife LIKES it that way, she stated so to me. I do help out a lot around the house and with the kids. The result is that this allows her to add MORE things to be done. So I don't buy the aurgument that women are tired and worn out from all the things they do. The problem with LD women is that being sexual is NEVER the focus of their lives. They have absolutely no problem thinking of the hundreds of things they must do, and yet they can't think sexual thoughts? Sex must be about the only subject they don't thnk about.
The problem with LD women is that being sexual is NEVER the focus of their lives.
This is not only the problem with LD women, it is the problem with LD people in general. They just don't think about it, period! It's not that they are avoiding thinking about it instead of all the other things they think about, they just don't think about it at all.
It is easy for HD individuals to say "why don't they just think about it" but its not always that easy to reprogram your mind. If you have absolutely no interest in playing sports do you really think it would be easy for you to program your mind to be interested and think about sports? I doubt it VERY much. The LD people just DON'T think about it, it is not a conscious thing they do, it's the way their mind is.
Now, can they reprogram their minds - perhaps, perhaps not. But just because us HD individuals don't have a problem thinking about sex don't assume everyone is wired the same way
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
The problem with LD women is that being sexual is NEVER the focus of their lives. They have absolutely no problem thinking of the hundreds of things they must do, and yet they can't think sexual thoughts? Sex must be about the only subject they don't thnk about.
So what is your point? Are you making an observation for which you want validation, you just griping... confirming for yourself how hopeless your situation is... what?
You’re getting caught up in that tunnel vision way of thinking again. Stop jumping to conclusions before you have the whole picture. What I see you doing is throwing a plain hook into the water, then complaining about why the fish won’t bite. You have to include a bait and you’ve not done so.
I think your wife is leery about taking the bait because she has past sexual abuse issues. It seems that her high activity level could be a way for her to occupy her mind, force out emotional thoughts and avoid your pursuit. It gives her a convenient, guilt free escape by devoting herself to her kids.
There are a LOT of women who do this very thing, my wife included. Bringing up the lack of intimacy and desire will not get you anywhere because the whole reason for their lifestyle is to avoid intimacy and desire. You will never get past this roadblock until your W can confront her avoidance and what it is she is running from. Can you understand what I am saying?
If you want to help yourself, you will have to help us. GEL ask you what you have done to discuss this issue with your W. I have asked you about her past sexual abuse. You can stay on this board and gripe about your sitch, or you can provide some more information that we can help you with to get things moving forward. Your call.
I think it's pretty obvious what CeMar wants isn't it? He just wants to gripe and complain, that is who he is, that is what he does best. He doesn't want to help himself, let alone his W. His main focus in life is SEX (pretty shallow from my perspective) and if HE is not getting his own way, then the rest of the world is wrong and HE is right. Sounds pretty self-centered to me
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
