NOTHING. As you said "he goes up and down." No reason to believe a truth of the moment--it is an accurate truth about his emotions/feelings. Not his true inner wants--he just doesn't know that.
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he says he is looking for the old feelings to come back or new ones, so what do I do about that?
NOTHING
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How can feelings come when I don't do anything?
You are making an incorrecft assumption that the feelings are gone--no longer in existence. No, they are lost--buried beneath a rubble of confusion. And if you try to show him, it will come off as pressure and pestering.
You SHOW by being there when and if he calls on you in a time of need. You SHOW by rfusing to escalate his fish bait to an argument You SHOW by setting boundaries to show you have respect for yourelf and that you thus expect it from him also. You SHOW by not filing for divorce and contesting if he files
And yes, this makes MLCers Angry
You SHOW by letting him be agnry, validating his Anger and still disagreeing.
"We have irreconcilable differences. It is best to divorce" "I'm sorry you feel that way. But I disagree. I understand you will do as you feel is best. But I will also do what I feel is best."
No reason to give up...and many reasons to not give up--to Stand. But it will get worse before it gets better. This is a VERY long journey...but the rewards at the end are great--a better marriage than you had before...the best marriage possible if you are both (at that point) willing to work on it.
