It looks like the other thread has reached it's limit.
I know I am beating a dead horse to death. So please bear with me.
I don't think she is a gold-digger or has intentionally sought out to control or hurt me. I think this stems from her past. She has shown a willingness, however minimal, a desire to help this situation.
I don't know what her expectations are! I don't know if she has lost her desire. I think she mislead me into thinking she was a Meduim-High Libido person instead of a Low!
I know that I need to be desired as she once did. Sorry for the rambling.
I just wonder if she could turn into the women I want. Is it worth the headache? I will wait until her finals are over with in school.
If you are paying for her schooling, then get her to sign a promissory note to repay the funds. Do it right away. That will eliminate the funding portion of her behavior (if you are indeed funding her, I don't recall for sure).
I think you are being played, just like I wrote in one of my earliest posts to you.
If I am right, then she is already on the hunt for your replacement. If I am right, then she is already planning her exit strategy which will be unceremoniously executed at the time of HER choosing.
I would suggest that you don't initiate anything. I don't think she will increase much of anything regarding affection toward you.
Let me tell you a little story. Religious folks, don't get angry, no offense here, just an object lesson.
I once had a young man come to me after he had run away from home and been caught. He tried to convince me that he had been "born again". The thing is, when I asked him to tell me about it, he clammed up and really didn't want to talk about it.
A couple of years later, and this same young man got into even more trouble, and when he came back, he made the same claim about having been "born again". This time when I queried him, he sat me down and spent a couple of hours telling me all about it. His face was radiant in his exuberance.
I think you will find that your fiances' frame of mind and heart will bear "witness" to itself if you just have a look.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
She did ask me twice last week (after the break-up speech I gave her) if we were getting together the next day for our 'Scheduled Sex'. I think I shocked her with the speech and this was a 'Shape Up' kind of thing.
My response was "No, I do not want 'pity sex' or you to fill my sex quota. I want you to desire me as I have told you a hundred times before." She said 'OK'. That 'OK' told me that she does not desire me!
Two days later, I asked her if she wanted to do the deed. She smiled and said 'yes'. She is very orgasmic (as usual) but really did not partipate much and simply laid there on her back while I serviced her. No Intimacy to speek of... not much kissing, etc... She never even touched me other than minimal kissing. Maybe I am expecting too much from her! More than she can give. Who knows, I am a man not a women and I want Intimacy and I can not read her mind!
Maybe I need to tell her again 'Flat Out'.
1) Why haven't you initiated sex with me. You say you find me attractive. What is up? You know I wanted to leave you for this, again what is up? What do you expect?
I think I will be persistent about this! This is how the conversation will go...
Me: Why haven't you initiated sex with me. You say you find me attractive. What is up? You know I wanted to leave you for this, again what is up? What do you expect?
Her: I did ask you if we were going to be together for the 'Scheduled thing'.
Me: Yes, and I told you that I wanted you to desire me, etc., etc... So again 'What is up?'.
In the last few weeks I have stopped paying for almost everything. Now, she is covering her kids expenses, her gas expense and extras.
The only thing I pay for is $39 cell phone which was $79. I also pay for food (only groceries) and utilities.
She is going to counseling tomorrow and will pay for that session ($90). I heard her on the phone talking to the counselor when scheduling the appointment. The counselor asked 'Who is paying the bill?'. Her comment was 'I am, but my mother is reimbursing me'. This was meant for me to hear and I took it as a 'Woe is me, have pity on me'. And this from a 43 year old women. She has almost $4000 in checks from student loans that she has not cashed.
Yesterday, she made the comment 'I am out of my medication.' She is taking anti-dep. She has been on these for about 3 months and I have picked up the tab. I guess she expects me to pay for these too.
I think I could stand about 2 weeks of her not initiating before I gave her the 'Speech' again and kick her out. There would no no reason for me to give her any time as school would be over.
I know this sounds negative but I am 95% sure she can not be helped. At least not in the next few years!
I think I will be persistent about this! This is how the conversation will go...
AN,
I WOULDN'T have that conversation again. AN, she's heard you...you've said it a hundred times to her, or at least several. SHE KNOWS YOU WANT HER TO INITIATE....telling her again isn't going to make it any clearer. Asking her why she hasn't....helps how?
If you want to see her true intentions...SIT BACK, STOP GOING TO HER.
I remember having long conversations about this issue in the past. She ALWAYS threw in that there were 'No Grarantees'. She was referring to our sex life / frequency.
She also said "I feel like I need to put out or get out".
It is funny how these things are making me see clearly how things really are.
I know how hard it is to sit back and wait and see if someone does something you want, believe me been living it now for 4 years. I know how tempting it becomes to want to bring it up again, to want to ask "ok you know what it is I want/need...so why aren't you doing it?"
I also understand the frustration that builds up sexually when there is no release for it. The way I see it is....if it gets to that point stop drawing a line in the sand and erasing it with your foot. Enforce it for good. Honestly, putting things off until the kids are out of school and she's out of school...is generous of you but there is nothing that says you cannot change things if you reach that breaking point. GEL
