My heart has been completely torn apart

[I_Surrender]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I appreciate your comments. I have only experienced a tiny percentage of the emotional roller coaster that many of you have, so this is new to me.

I guess the concern of mine, is for my emotional, mental and physical health.

Emotionally and physically I have been going into kind of a depression in the past few months. This is not good for me, as I have some health issues to contend with. In order to stay on top of things I need to be conscious of managing my health well.

Unfortunately I have not gotten any support or understanding from my wife on these issues. I have come to not expect this. I'll give you an example; One of the conditions I have to deal with is asthma. I removed all the carpeting from the house, cleaned the heating ducts etc etc. We have 2 dogs, and they are not supposed to be on our bedding. She consistently puts her small very furry dog on the bed, and the dog sleeps on my pillows. Just grossly inconsiderate to say the least. Yes I have reminded her, I have taken my pillows down. I am going to start placing my pillows in a plastic garbage bag, maybe that will help my asthma at nights.

Anyway, I guess the point is that, from my eyes, she has a huge number of issues from entertaining multiple male friends / love acquaintances, to acknowledging and supporting my health just to start. At this time, she sees nothing abnormal about having these male friends. She also confirmed the she still talks to the OM regularly on her cell phone at night, but the affair in her mind is over (when in fact the cover is on the pot is on simmer, until she decides to open the lid again)

There are so many things that make me think she is either going through a major MLC or menopause or has a developing mental illness. She is getting older and as for many of us have less patients for young children. She despises them, and has commented to me very rudely when another "brat" has been crying in a restaurant, or grocery store. Yet she appears to be okay with meeting the OM s young daughter. Our children are simply amazing, but she has a troubled relationship with our daughter, consistently calling her a "little b*tch" (This year my daughter earned $7K in performance bonuses, the end of this year my LD will be promoted to full manager of her own restaurant by a large multinational - gets a company vehicle and everything)

This fall I accidentally caught her smoking a joint with some other guys. I know that for many this is fairly innocuous, but for us as a couple, we have NEVER done any drugs. Sure like a lot of kids we tried this when we were teens, but neither of us smoke, we don't drink a lot. When we have gone to concerts over the years, she always refused the reefer, when its been passed around. This is so out of character.

I hope her counseling goes well, but I have to realize that my health issues may impair my mobility and ability to physically interact with her. Support or no, I think it likely she would find this confining. If she seeks emotionally what she needs from other men, what will happen when I am physically unable to meet her expectations?