Have you asked your h what you did that he thinks of as abusing? Or would it make him mad that you don't know?
My h has also thrown my past in my face. Sometimes when we would get into arguments, he would make me so mad that I would call him a jerk or jackass. Then he would call me an a**hole.
H has said that he feels like I blame him for my entire rotten childhood. Does that make any sense at all? My dad was very strict and easy to anger. He spanked often, beat us with a belt, banged our heads together, etc. He also molested me. But why would I blame h for any of that?
One thing h said that hurt the most was when he blamed me entirely for what happened to our d. I have a son from a previous marriage who I didn't get to raise (a long, unpleasant story). My mom's sister adopted him. He came to visit us twice. D became depressed a few years ago because she had repressed memories that came out about her half bro raping her. Those two times s came to visit, d was 4 and 7. S was 14 and 17. D started cutting when these memories came out. At the time of those visits, I had been spending a lot of time on the computer when h was at home. I felt like he could care less if I was in the room with him anyway. So, in one of our heated arguments he said that if I hadn't been spending so much time on the computer, she wouldn't have been raped. I didn't even spend that much time on the computer--especially when s visited. Something didn't feel right. I rarely let them out of my site. I still beat myself up over d's depression. I felt that alot of it was my fault. There were a lot of things that happened to s before I lost him. If they didn't happen, he probably wouldn't have raped his baby sister. There were also some times that I had to leave them alone. I wish I took my instincts more seriously and didn't leave them alone at all. But for h to say that it was all my fault, hurt me to the core. That was when I asked him if he had given up on me and wanted a divorce. He thought about it overnight and apologized in the morning. He didn't want a divorce. He said to throw out everything he said that night. We would work out our troubles somehow.
My dad was very strict and easy to anger. He spanked often, beat us with a belt, banged our heads together, etc. He also molested me. But why would I blame h for any of that? 
That was when I asked him if he had given up on me and wanted a divorce. He thought about it overnight and apologized in the morning. He didn't want a divorce. He said to throw out everything he said that night. We would work out our troubles somehow.
