My Heart is Aching

[RedHeadWife]

I just seem to have my "moments" where I just get that sick feeling in my stomach. I guess a big part of the problem is that, since my sitch, I don't feel completely connected to H and now know he isn't the same man I married. I look at him differently. I know a lot of it is my insecurity, but at the same time, I just wonder if he has or will finally see that he needs to deal w/ some stuff too. However, I think I know that his way is to just "keep pressing" now that we are ok and leave the past behind. I guess that's not a bad thing. I'm just left to deal w/ the trust issue and hopefully I will be able to do that.

I know he has gone to a bar since he's been over there. Playing pool and then he said "well, it's time to go." Kind of like he knew his boundaries so that's good, although he has only been there for a short time.

At one point during this, he did blame me for the A's and said I made him forego his integrity, etc., etc. I know it's not my fault, it was his choice, but I'm hoping that he will realize that he truly has it really good in our M and our family and decide to keep his integrity intact this time. That's his choice though so I just daily pray for him to stay strong in that aspect.

I know he already has made numerous friends over there (male friends) so I'm hoping he won't get lonely and find the need for some sort of female emotional companionship. We are able to email and call all the time and I'm just being supportive and not complaining about anything over here.