My Heart is Aching

[RedHeadWife]

My sitch is that H dropped D bomb back in January. We have worked things out, however, he did have an EA during and probably prior to this time. I don't know how long it was going on.

I actually thought I knew who it was, however, then he said it was not someone from work. I still think it is and feel that he's still lying to me.

He is now deployed for a year. He left on very good terms, but I am still having a really hard time with the backlash of the A's. (He also had 1 prior EA while deployed and 1 PA/one night stand while deployed).

I am trying to "give him the benefit of the doubt" that I truly set the stage for him not to choose to cheat on me again during this current deployment, but I have to wonder if he is still continuing to talk to this woman from his job over here. He told me his "friend" was not someone from work and that his "friend" "had been taken care of."

A very big part of me is truly trying to just LET IT GO. I have chosen to stay w/ him and feel I have forgiven him, but I am having such a hard time trusting him again. Maybe it's partly because I never asked for details.

Does anyone have any insight from either the side of the person having the affair or the person that needs to try to trust again?

I know I can't dwell on all of this, and I really don't all the time, it just seems as if at certain times it just really starts bothering me a lot. Maybe because I don't want to talk to him about how I'm feeling with him so far away and I don't want to "start anything."

Also, I found a text message from January from the woman @ work who I thought the EA was w/ saying "I don't have a signal. Call me after shower and I will call you back if I can." Maybe he was just "friends" w/ her and there was another "friend" that the EA was w/, but I just don't know.

I just don't know if any amount of emotional & physical (when he's around) support and love, etc., etc. is ever going to be ENOUGH. I just don't know if I can ever be ENOUGH for him. That's the way I feel since he's done this more than once. Yes, we were having our problems, but I just don't know if he will ever stop or if I can ever fulfill him no matter how much I do.