CH, Does anyone like the theater or symphony or a concert? Do you have any? What about seeing a stand up comedian? If you do that, make sure they don't get too blue (dirty) for your mil or you'll spend the whole time mortified that it was your idea of a mother's day gift. BUT if it's clean good humor, laughter is SUCH an aphrodisiac AND provides great memories for the storage bank... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Seeing a stand-up comedian might be a good idea. We wouldn't take mil, though. We don't even like to take her out to dinner anymore. H may want to take her out just because it is Mother's Day, I'm not sure. She has Alzheimer's and is having a very difficult time understanding anything or getting around. She can barely hear or see. She trips easily. She lives at a nearby Healthcare Center, but we usually pick her up one weekend day. We used to take her shopping with us and could leave her in a chair. She was happy people watching. Now she barely has the ability to make it from the car to a place to sit. She does have a wheelchair we could use if necessary. Another problem is incontinence. That is something we avoid having to deal with in a public place--even with Depends.
If H does want to take her out, maybe we could take her out this weekend and the rest of us go next weekend.
I would like to surprise H with tickets to a comedy club, but I don't know how I can do that without checking with H about his mother. Actually, the Comedy Club may have to be for just H and me anyway. The drinking age here is 21. I don't know of a comedy club here that isn't also a drinking establishment.
If your MIL likes to people watch, how about a picnic in the park? Or maybe a cookout at your home. Does your MIL remember very much anymore? Sometimes with Alzheimer's, they remember the past more readily than the present. What about getting old photos out from when she was young, and giving her a family tea party? I don't know, luckily my MIL and my mother are mentally and physically fine. Maybe if you tell your H you would like to do it separately this year, and make it special for MIL, and the two of you do something together with your kids the next weekend.
I guess we are going to the live theater downtown for h's bday. Both kids say they would like that. I will probably drive down there today to get the tickets. H doesn't know what he wants to do for his mom for Mother's Day. It doesn't sound like he wants to take her anywhere. Looking at pictures would probably make her talk about how much she hates where she is. She thinks she would have been just fine in her home. Maybe he'll just get her some flowers or candy or some new clothes. I'll leave it up to him. I just want h to have a nice bday. Mother's Day is up to him and the kids.
No sex this weekend. We thought our bronchial troubles were going to clear up when we got rid of that old carpet, but h is feeling worse. I'm going to see if I can get him a dr. appt. for this evening. I asked h if he thought it would be wise to check his testerone while he is there. I suggested that low testosterone could be affecting his sleep. He said he wants to get rid of his cough first. I reminded him that he said that last year when he went in to change his sleep aide. (He has had trouble sleeping all his life.) I didn't tell h that it makes me mad that he doesn't want to check his hormones; but he could tell something was bothering me. I told him that I just wanted him to sleep better. He said that if the doctor thought testosterone might be the problem, he would have suggested it. It really ticks me off that he doesn't want to get it checked. I am so tired of hearing him say that he is too tired. If he is okay with me initiating, why would he be too tired to initiate? I didn't initiate Saturday because, I thought he would feel more up to it Sunday. But then he talked about how bad his cough was making him feel.
He said that if the doctor thought testosterone might be the problem, he would have suggested it. It really ticks me off that he doesn't want to get it checked. I am so tired of hearing him say that he is too tired. If he is okay with me initiating, why would he be too tired to initiate?
If you're initiating, that means you really want it and he needs to take care of you right now unless he's physically unable to. If you're not initiating, that means you can wait until he feels a bit better, so he's not going to initiate if he's feeling tired.
Of course that way of thinking only works if he's actually going to feel better in the near future. So fixing his sleep problem, if it's fixable, is actually a sensible course of action. Now there are other possible reasons for him feeling tired all the time, including but not limited to clinical depression, and his entire life (and yours) will be degraded by a chronic low energy level, so it needs to be addressed one way or another.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
You know, he could be feeling really a lot worse than he even lets on. My H will let himself get really good and sick before he will say so, or it's usually because I see it.
Maybe you could suggest he ask his dr. about the testosterone while he is there, that it couldn't hurt to ask. My H has told me some embarrassing things he and his dr, talk about, and he made me blush. I think fixing his sleep problem, and any other physical problems will go a long way towards making him feel more lively. How long has it been since he has had a complete head to toe physical?
I don't know what to do for my mother for Mother's day, she won't go anywhere, because she is taking care of my stepfather who had a stroke last year. Usually it's flowers or a fruit or gift basket, maybe the same this year. She loves lotions, so maybe stuff like that in a pretty basket. Usually I don't go to MIL's for Mother's day, but maybe I should this yr? But H might get his suspicions up, so I don't know.
See my post #1025517 - Tue Apr 24 2007 09:14 AM. After that night, I called a db coach. She said h is depressed. I know that he definitely was that night, but I'm not sure if he has been otherwise. I talked to h about it a few weeks ago. He said, in an angry voice, that he is not depressed. That was a one-time thing. I haven't tried to convince him otherwise, but I do think he could have some kind of depression that keeps him from sleeping. He is a chronic worrier. He thinks out loud constantly. It isn't quite audible enough to hear what he is saying. He's done that all of his life. Trying to convince h that he should at least consider it, would be just as hard as talking to him about his testosterone.
It has been several years since h had a complete physical. I doubt that I could talk him into that any easier than getting him to check his hormones or talk to his doc about depression.
I did sen H an e-mail, though. This is what I said to him:
Quote:
I thought I should let you know a little more about why I was asking you if you would check your hormones. I love the way we have been feeling toward each other lately. I have even been rather euphoric. I love that you have been more playful, sitting next to me more often, offering me ice cream, helping more in the kitchen, and just getting along better. Unfortunately, it also makes me want to be more intimate. I just want you to feel better and start sleeping better because I want your body. Don't stop doing all those nice things just because you're not feeling as intimate, though. I will just have to take care of myself for now.
Maybe that will inspire him?
I totally forgot to do anything for my mom. I need to quit playing on here and get to the pharmacy for some prescriptions. I should at least get Mom a card. She lives so far away that it is hard to do much for her. My bro and sis will probably take her out to dinner. I could send some money to help pay for the dinner.
I don't worry all the time, but I do talk out loud to myself. And I answer myself, too.
I don't see any harm in the email, it explains it to him, and you know how they prefer things straight on rather than trying to hint around about something.
You could go to amazon.com once again and see what kind of gift baskets they have and get it mailed right to her from there, and the thing I like the best is that you can use your checking acct, rather than a credit card. I don't know if it is too late to get it there in time, though. so, I guess it's to the local florist I go. Oh, my mother has a certain grocery store she likes, so I could get her a gift card from there. Then I will feel like I had a hand in her eating that week.
I did go back and read the post again, and he does seem depressed, and has he always been a worrier? Or has something happened recently to make it worse?
Maybe he'll just get her some flowers or candy or some new clothes. I'll leave it up to him. I just want h to have a nice bday. Mother's Day is up to him and the kids.
I am so tired of hearing him say that he is too tired. If he is okay with me initiating, why would he be too tired to initiate? I didn't initiate Saturday because, I thought he would feel more up to it Sunday. But then he talked about how bad his cough was making him feel. 
