Women and men are biologically wired to this stuff very differently. Being visual, men are more likely to feel "turned on" visually by a stripper than a woman. For a women, it's not so much a sexual feeling as a "goofing-off-with-the-girls" thing. For most women there needs to be at least a bit of emotional element present before any true desire and feeling start up.
That's the reason you don't hear about too many women addicted to porn, female strip clubs with male strippers, or male prostitudes. It's just not the same....
I can almost guarentee you that anything your wife did on film or in photos was probably done from humor and the group mentality of a bunch of women who like to "think" they can be like men at a strip club. It's not that we don't enjoy looking at guys or their bodies, but we're generally much more turned on by someone special in our lives... and actually their interest in ONLY us. Unless your wife is texting this guy and sneaking off to meet him I doubt there was ANY desire whatsoever.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
