Afterall..... This IS my life IV for heatherg

[heatherg]

Fearless said: Actually I do not think that Heather's H or her family is the choice she feels at all.

Cobra said: I agree. But that is the very problem, isn’t it? Her H seems to feel that this is very much a problem. So what is she to do? Ignore it? I think her H is extremely insecure, know he f*cked up, has too much pride to admit it, knows that Heather’s family disapproves of his actions, and cannot bring himself to publicly admit it or apologize.

I would just like to clarify that my family doesn't expect a public admission or apology, although I think they would respect H a great deal if he did. What they DO expect, is for him to apologize to ME for some of his wrongdoings. My family does not expect H to like them or to be nice to them-they expect him to be nice to ME.

I think that H feels intimidated when my family is around because he has become so accustomed to being surrounded by only his family, around whom he feels accepted, supported and comfortable. I don't think he likes it when I have my support network near me and he tries to make me feel guilty about it. Now, in typical control environments, that's what the controlling person does. They try to isolate their victim from the people who support them. I can see that H does that, with my family, with karate, even with my own kids.

This has nothing to do with who or what is right. It only has to do with what it takes to move the marriage past a stuck point, from a realistic stand point of considering personal egos. Getting around the ego is that hardest part of negotiating a marriage, IMO.

Well, this isn't all about my ego and I'm not even going to consider such a thing as 'my H or my family'. I will not give a second thought to something so utterly crazy. Someone who loves me would NOT be asking me to choose between them and my family whom I see MAYBE twice a year!!! My situation is not like Chrome's where my parents live down the street and are always in our business.

MY recent comments have less to do with her personal issues than with what it takes to move the marriage forward. On that basis, there are no “sides.” There is only the marriage.

Well, as far as I can see, I've been shouldering the work that goes on regarding this M. H throws me a crumb now and then and it keeps me holding on. I will not be moving the M forward by myself forever.