I realize that the way she sees this guy can change, but right now it's extremely painful to watch. She seems so happy, it makes me sick to think I couldn't make her that happy. I need to protect myself from seeing it, and stop trying to find details about their relationship.
It's also disgusting that she would do this in front of me, this is not the sensitive, caring woman i married. Although I honestly can't say I was the caring, sensitive man she married throughout our marriage, so who am I to judge.
I'm not giving up on her yet though. I do realize that while her relationship is going strong, its impossible to make any major strides in fixing us. I pray for the other guy to be a real jack ass. However from what I can tell he is doing everything right.
I also get that anything i snoop and find is going to not nessecarily reflect her true feelings. Her feelings are probably a lot more complicated than what she emails her sister, or text messages this guy. I need to avoid seeing that stuff, because it destroys my PMA, and probably fits the same rule to only believe 50% of what I see and nothing that i hear.
Anyways, I have been thinking about manufacturing some time for us to spend together. Under the guise of doing things for or with our kids. I will be sure not to pressure, and avoid all conversations about US/Them/ and the future.
