Oh, no, he has told me he feels like I beat him down, that he is an abused spouse, and that he equates this to the domestic violence he sees. To say I was shocked and in total disbelief when he said this is an understatement. So, yes he absolutely said he meant me. He doesn't say it nearly as often as he used to, but it does bother me that he equates bit*hing with abuse. I never stood over him, and intimidated him or called him bad names, he called me a bit*h, I would call him a jerk or a jacka**, or a dumba**. He sometimes called me a F-ing bit*c. And he would throw up my childhood to me, and say that is why I am the way I am. I wished I had never told him about my childhood, that's why kids are ashamed of what has happened, because someone will come along and blame them for it. Yeah, I was a throwaway child, molested, and then used, and abused, and I knew I had alot to overcome, and thought I had done really well for the most part. I always thought I was a kinder person, who could still get angry like anyone else, but not out of control, and then here I am not able to see what he says I did to him. I am tempted to get hypnotized to see if they can recover the memories of the extreme abuse I put him through. I have a good memory, but he has me questioning it, because I cannot for the life of me remember the abuse. I don't believe it WAS any thing more than what I described. I think he has blown it up out of proportion. I have admitted to him that I was bit*hy, and that I said mean things to him, but I will not say I was abusive when it nowhere reaches that level. I talked to my counselor about all this, and he didn't see that it was abusive, either. And if it was, wouldn't what H did and said to me count as abuse, too?? I mean he said some mean things, like saying he though I was mentally ill, a homosexual, and other hurtful things, and would throw up the molestation I went through. Isn't that abuse if my being a bit*h was?? Anyway, that's my rant of the day. Maybe one day I will have an experience that will bring up all those apparent hidden memories. Or maybe he will have an experience that will show him that it was not abuse, but merely a troubled marriage that needed to be fixed, not lied about. And not covered up by him getting drunk and passing out.
Well, we do call my nephew the evil genius. Awful behavior, and said the f word in church one time, but he is older now and is starting to grow out of it, thank God. And thank you for stopping the extremely visual description of his eating habits, I was beginning to feel my eggs and toast coming back up.
L P.S. This has just tired my mind out more than I could imagine, so I have to go lie down and maybe give my brain a rest.
