Your seeming short/angry/remote at the surface but being hurt at your core by the lack of love/acceptance, reminds me of something I read in a book many years ago. The author described several layers of emotion. I don't recall all the layers, but "hurt/angry" was at the outermost, and "love" was at the innermost. The author suggested it was useful to explain to your partner how you feel, layer by layer, starting with the outermost one seen by your partner ("hurt/angry"). It seemed pretty useful to me, and from what you wrote, it sounds like getting from the "hurt" to the "love" layer is exactly what you just did.
The book is called "How to Make Love All the Time", by Beverly D'Angelis. (Title can be misleading.)
(btw: I was sure suprised by some of the negative reviews of this at Amazon...but, it sure looked like someone in particular has an axe to grind with her.)
It's been awhile, but I recall the book having multiple ideas to help one learn to get to the really-important communication that needs to be done, and avoid the distracting superficial stuff. Might be worth a look.
