You know, j, I grew up in a house full of girls, and when I found out I was going to have a boy, I was so freaked out. But now, I think boys, with all their potty mouth, bad manners, and weird behavior are just so great, and my S's friends really like me, because I like them. So, think of the kid as maybe what your H was like at that age, and enjoy his cute little self. Or big self. My S is a big noisy boy, who usually displays the good manners taught him, but not always. My nephew who doesn't usually like anyone, kept giving me hugs at Christmas, because I was the only aunt who didn't treat him like the ill-behaved boy he can be.
I do hope this really means something, by my H saying he doesn't enjoy the resentment. Yesterday in church, the preacher was talking about the sermon on the mount, and talked about adultery, and God's faithfulness to us.
My H wrote to me that it was easy for the preacher to say. I said what? He wrote that the preacher didn't see anybody get beat up and hurt others, I wrote that he had seen people change and to not hurt others again. I had nothing more to say to H at that time, so I just sat there, sniffling, with tears in my eyes, ecause he is so equating my part in this as if I truly abused him. I may have been really bit*hy at times, maybe even alot of times, and we each called names sometimes, and cursed at each other, and H would go off and drink and cry about things, but I never knew this, until I confronted him about what I had found out last year. I told him I accept my part in all this, and I don't know what the heck else to say to him, when the guilt convicts him right in the middle of church, and he squirms in his seat, because he knows the preacher is talking directly to him, he will try to turn it around and make it all my fault all over again. The preacher isn't really talking directly to him, but you know how it is when they do seem to be looking right into your soul?
I was very quiet, but still polite to him yesterday afternoon, and after a short nap, he said he was going to work in the yard. I asked if I could help, and at first he said no, then if you see something that needs doing, do it. Then he said come on and I will put you to work. So, as he said it, I was his go-fer all afternoon, carting weeds and stuff away for him, and getting him something to drink when he wanted it. He actually told our S I did a better job than he thought I would.
We watched tv later and had a nice dinner, and then went to bed. We snuggled alot during the night, but sometime during the night, I had a bad dream, and woke up jerking away from him, and he said, what! I said someone grabbed me in my dream, and I was telling them to let me go. He said I yelled out to let me go! I told him it wasn't him, or some guy who is bugging a friend. But, you know what, it was H. I don't really remember, but in my dream, H got me really upset, and I struggled away from him, and yelled for him to let me go. I wonder what that means. We did still snuggle after that, and this morning he wanted to have some fun, so I obliged. Now he is off to work, and here am I.
