You make it sound as if it's a woman's fault that she cannot rebuild her desire/libido in situations like the one mentioned above. You sound resentful of the fact that a woman may not be able to do this, or that Dr's may not be able to help her to do this. Do you understand this is not something she has control over, that it is NOT something she's doing intentionally?
I've NEVER ONCE said that I thought it was ok for anyone to go without desire for the rest of his life....quit reading things into my posts that I'm not saying. I guarantee you I mean EXACTLY what I say in the words I choose. For someone who see's the world in such a black/white manner...you shouldn't be twisting my words. I have continually told you my mother shows her desire for my Dad in many ways, but those ways don't fit into YOUR black and white definition. Guess what? My parents are doing much better, my dad has LEARNED that my mother IS doing things out of love for him and he is happy with that.
YOU have a HUGE problem right now with resentment, you are treating this whole "desire" issue as if it is something your wife has concoted to do to you intentionally. IT'S NOT, IT'S NATURE TAKING IT'S NATURAL COURSE IN A WOMAN (IF your wife is going throug menopause that is.) Even if she's not going through menopause, the combination of things you mentioned tell me...she's not doing this on purpose to you, but you react as though she is.
However your resentment is blinding you to the other things she's doing because she loves you. Now that I know you see things in such a black and white manner....you absolutely cannot see that the other things she does for you is another form of desire (don't tell me it's not...because it is for those of us who don't see things black and white). That her being willing to have sex with you (even if she's not hot for you) IS another form of desire, that falls into the grey area....you simply are not willing to accept that as a truth, but it is one. If you cannot see the grey areas of how she does show you her love and desire...that's not her problem, it's yours.
There is only one way to desire IN YOUR BLACK AND WHITE VERSION OF THE WORLD. For other people, including your wife....there are many ways to show it. So I WILL continue to tell you that she does it in other ways...it is YOUR problem if you refuse to see that. If you refuse to see that she shows you her love/desire for you in other manners (as she can without her libido) then it's YOUR problem if you go without desire for the rest of your life, because you are not willing to expand your definition of it, to learn to see some of the grey areas.
Honestly...if you insist on seeing everything as black or white, she does or she doesn't, then you will remain stuck. You will remain feeling undesired. Learning to recognize what it is that my H really does do to show his love/desire for me...is one of the most useful things I learned that helped move ME past the resentment stage (which is where you are.) My learning to recognize AND accept those things helped fill my love tanks and kept me going in order to get to another place.
I've said it before CeMar, I say it again (not that it'll matter). SEE A THERAPIST.
Do you want to be happy in your marriage.....or do you want to be right?
