I am at a real tough spot in my life. My H took a job in the midwest til November. He brought his trailer home and stayed the night. Was very affectionate all night. We ml in the morning and it was really nice. I went with him to bring his other venicle back which was 60 miles away. He was also trading for a new PU for his job. We were cleaning out his old PU and I came across old pictures of his other A which he said to throw away. His new OW had left her business cards in there and he had taken some machine for her to get it fixed. The receipt was in there. She had also made him 5 shirts that he was taking. I ask did she make those. He said yes. HE said he didn't want to deal with that now it was tough enough to leave as it was. Whatever!!!! When we said good bye he hugged and kissed me and was crying be hind his glasses. It was pretty emotional. He called me about 4 times and then I didn't hear from him till he texted me at 10:30 last night to tell me where he was and good nite. That was strange he didn't call. I know there isn't phone service in some of the places but what I think is she rode back there with him. Ususally first thing he will call in the morning and I haven't heard from him. I know its bad to assume but its pretty easy to figure it out. He told me he loved the boys and I and to take care of them and for us not to pull away. I also saw a text where she had told him that she luv him andwill miss him.
I guess the icing on the cake. I went to turn some stuff off in his 5th wheel trailer and she had helped him clean and taken all my stuff out and thrown it away. I haven't told him I know that yet.
He talked and talked to me about our business and how we need to keep it going and what to do while he is gone. It was like he was planning our future but it is hard for me to when I know she is there planning their future. She will stop at nothing now. She is an evil person and she always gets her way. What is funny she is everything he used to dispise in a women. Except she has a super clean house and hasn't gained weight but she has 4 kids that all live with there dad becasue she is such a bab mother. She is a very selfish person and it is funny how none of that has come out yet. She is telling people that H has served me papers and I won't sign them and I am b&*$#. Oh well.
What I need support on after I have vented here. Is I know I need to detach and let him go to this new job he will be working 6 days aweek and traveling. He has said before that he doen't know if he wants to be married to me anymore but turns around and is nicer than he has ever been. Just like yesterday morning when he left he was as nice as could be. Its like we are best friends. He compliments me all the time. What do I do!!!! I know I need to step back and take a few deep breaths. I need to get all the finiances in order which I handle ( he is also making a good amount of money back there) and inventory all of our business assests (it is a partnership with his brother and dad) just in case he comes back and wansts to leave. I don't think he will ever filed for D he wants me to do it , so he isn't the bad guy. His own family has told me that. Unless she puts alot of pressure on him. But that is assuming a lot.
I know him and when he is on the job he will call in the morning to her and me and then call thru out the day. I really have a strong feeling that she went back there and is flying back. Boy it is hard to detach and I was doing pretty well. It is like he knows he should be with the boys and I but he can't break away from her. HE likes the security of having me here I think. and I know he would be there for me. He is not mean about it unless he gets mad and then goes on what I need to improve on which is a list a mile long from his point of view but he doesn't see all the other things I do .
I know Virginia told me to go to MLC forum and I think I will post a small post over there because he fits it perfect for the last 5 to 7 years.
If anyone has any advice I sure could use it. My boys will be home next week from college and then they will go to work but they will be close. I am lucky that they are so supportive. They are my anchors. H has a big family and they are so supportive of me. His mom came and visited with me last night and she is at a lost on what to do. She said he will have to work thru it maybe with him being gone so far away from everyone he will figure it out. They do not like his OW. They all know her. We live in a small country atomshere and he has alot of relatives so when she started saying she was dating H it spread around fast.(h answer to that ws it wasn't anybody's busy what he did). My parents don't know because they would get sick with worry and I don't need that now. I have no brothers and sisters. It is funny my SIL are probably my best friends. I am really close to 4 of them. We do alot together so its a tough situation. I do have alot of close friends but I get tired of answering questions on what am I going to do and how long am I going to live like this. Which it Is driving me crazy.
I am really on a venting binge this morning Sorry. I know I am just rambling about her and I need to think about me but it helps to get off my chest to someone else.
Thnaks if someone listens I just needed a little support.
I haven't read much on your situation but wanted you to know that I understand completely your confusion. I am living it too. You are not alone. The confusion when they are so sweet and loving in one minute and off in lala land in another is so hard to deal with.
Vent here all you want then hold your head high and go do something for yourself!
DSH Me: 36 H: 36 M: 16.8 years Bomb: 2005 ILYBNILWY Suspect OW began sometime in 2006(he denies it and I don't have 100% proof) Left home: 2/07 no contact except text message until 4/23 since then he has been coming by some and we have ML several times.
Penny, how is the communication with H now that he's been gone a few days? Is he calling you daily? Thinking of you and hoping you are feeling ok. Matilda
The first morning he called 5 times before I left for work. then called thru out the day. He will be gone for 6 months back there. He usually will call in the morning and then again. Today he didn't call as much but talked a long time this evening. It will be interesting to see if he still calls me and then calls her. He seems happier when he calls doesn't have the pressure as when he was here.
I have relaxed alittle because I'm not so upset not knowing if he was at her house or if she was staying with him. It will give me time to think and see how things are going.
With our business I will be extremely busy this summer. When he gone I have to handle most of it and the boys help with the rest. It is our busy time right now.
Thanks again for checking. It is late and I'm really tired and have to get up early. Thanks again
I will post to you tomorrow. I haven't tried to ignore anyone I have just been real busy at night. and can't post at work.
It amazes me how many situations are alike. Hang in there.
The yoyo roller coaster ride is almost to much sometimes. I don't understand how they can be nice and then just turn on you. I guess my mind doesn't work that way.
I am hear for you post any time. Lets just keep GAL. It does feel good to do stuff for yourself.
Penny, I'm so glad you have the support of your family. Let them be your rock. In my case the OW has turned my MIL against me. She told her all these negative things about me that my H had told her. She definitely embellished though! I know that we are not supposed to talk negative about OW to our spouses, but I did. I told him that she had ruined our family. I said she tore our family apart, not only has she ruined my relationship with my MIL, but she has also ruined relationship between my D's and their grandmother. They are hurt that she (MIL)would go around talking about me like that. Don't get me wrong I know my H has a role in this. I told him that he should have never told her anything about our personal life.
Maybe the long distant thing with you and your H could be to your advantage. You will be able to do things for yourself and not feel like you have to walk on eggshells all the time. Take care of yourself and enjoy your boys!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
It has been a little easier with him gone. I do feel like a cloud has lifted. Its so strange he calls at least 4 maybe 5 times a day. Its like we are best friends. I know he calls her and tests her jsut as much if not more. but he always relies on me to help him or give him advice. Does that make sense.
Then yesterday I had to look and see if YS cellphone could be upgraded and it got the best of me to look at his calls and tests. I see where lately his old OW is now testing him and has called him a few times. What do you think? This OW was crazy she stalked me and followed me. She threatened to kill her self to him. so why would he talk to her. I had saw her at a stop sign the other day and I told him he said he didn't want anything to do with her. Now the Calls!!!!! I'm sure she need something she is always needed help. HE likes to help people and so these OW fall right into it. but the boys and I can't do things right. He has gotten alittle better with me but OS he is real critical of. Everyone tells him what good boys they are and he should be proud of what they have done. but it isn't good enough.
HE has been nice on the phone but he can because he is away and is on his own. He likes being single but the security on being married. I am getting better at being detached. It has helped having the break from him it gives me time to think and relax alittle bit. WOuldn't be funny if one OW could find out he is talking to the old OW. I am numb tothe fact of what i should do. Financially I have to stay awhile. With us being in the partnership it affects others and I wouldn't do that to them right now. What a drama....I am not a drama person.....
Penny, I've been thinking of you. Take time to sort things out. Don't make any hasty decisions. Remember this is the rest of your life. My life is a mess right now also. All I can do is take care of myself and the girls right now. I too hate drama. Just remember "This too shall pass." Only problem is my patience is wearing thin.
Is he returning ex OW's calls? It could be that she is pursuing, but he is not returning calls.
Hang in there, I'm here for you.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Right now I have the time to look things over and see how its going. He will be gone for a while maybe till fall. I have a hard time because I know he is talking to them. and the OW thinks she has the upper hand. She is a manipulating person to the extreme but he has yet so see it. I like you knew my patience was wearing down and I didn't want to make the wrong decision. I keep telling my self to take some time and figure this out. It is so funny he calls and is nice and when he needs something he calls me. So no conscience???????Doesn't see anything wrong with this picture???? We are all so much a like and so are they it is so hard to figure that it can be so much alike in so many different marriages and we don't know each other. That really didn't make sense but it so weird that we are all in the same situation. He has returned her call and texted her according to the phone bill. I haven't said anything but will save this one till later. I told you on your thread that I agree this shall pass but it isn't moving fast enough so we can get through it. Thanks for advice and hang in there we are all in this together and support each other as much as we can......
