wot shld i do?

[cntcope]

Folks I am still here I haven't even got the balls to commit suicide, sorry for worrying you all like this please don't worry. I have at least started to think over my situation. Glad I found this forum
Thank you.

[koshka]

cntcope,

You do have the strength and courage to get through this time. Thank you so much for posting back to us.

Please find someone locally who can help you. I found a wonderful therapist through the local health department when I began to work on some pain from my childhood. There are resources available to help people when we need it.

Again, thank you for taking care of yourself and letting us know you did.

Thanks,

Joe

[qoe100]

(((cntcope)))
Please continue to post to us and lean on us for now. We're all here for you and we can help get you through this terrible time. All of us know that it will get better. You are not alone anymore.

[Michele]

Cntcope,
It's really fantastic that you have been thinking over your situation and you have realized that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. You do sound pretty depressed so you should get professional help immediately. Call your nearest mental health center today and leave a message or call tomorrow. You need to learn ways to deal with your difficult husband and if he doesn't become kinder to you, you need to leave. You know that I'm the divorce buster, but when you get to the point of considering taking your life, it's a sign that you need to do something drastically different. If you love your children as you say you do, you have to take action. Children suffer throughout the rest of their lives when an adult takes his or her life. You love your children too much to think about their suffering in this way. I bet that's why you decided to slow down and think things through. You're a great mom. You should feel good about yourself because of that. Depression is a powerful condition. It forces you to look at the bleak side of life and believe that it will always be that way. But that's rubbish. Nothing stays the same. The only thing we know about life is that change is inevitable. Your life will change for the better, but you MUST get some help now. Thankfully, the fantastic people on this board buoyed you up last night. But you need to also get professional help. Don't wait. Even though you feel better right now, you still need to reach out to a therapist in your community.

You're a brave woman.
Hang in there.
Michele

[Heywyre]

(((cntcope)))

Welcome back to the BEST place you can be - we are all in this together and we WILL help you get through it all. I know how you feel, I have been there and the pain was unbearable at times and I felt the world would be better off without me. But then I looked at my children and thought "how selfish am I to leave my children without a mother just because I don't want to face the pain, what am I teaching them". It didn't take away the pain, but it did give me a new perspective on how I had to deal with things and I hope it will for you too.

PLEASE seek some professional help ASAP - you need to get on AD as soon as you can - go to the emergency ward of your local hospital if you have to and tell them how you have considered suicide. There are LOTS of people out there that can help, including the wonderful people on this board.

Keep posting and venting to us, and we will be there for you ALL THE WAY!!!

Glad you are back cntcope - ((((hugs))))

[Glenda_aka_kc]

CNT, it takes more courage to stay here on this earth and sort out the drama.

I would certainly do the same and encourage you to see a counselor. They have the uninvolved neutral perspective. Do you have a program through your work? I have the opportunity to use six sessions a year that are pre-paid so to speak and that is where I started. It resulted in some other referrals that have been quite beneficial to me.

Although I agree that antidepressants might be a consideration, I would caution you to keep a journal of your observations on any medications. They are not always as they seem.

I tried antidepressants and I ended up being very paranoid. Anxiety was a big component with me as well so I tried some anti-anxiety meds and didn't react well to them either. I only mention this as a caution that if you don't feel improved, ask about something else and let the care provider know how you are feeling physically and mentally.

Good luck to you. Do keep posting. There are people here with WONDERFUL insight who can offer some very unique perspectives.

[Kim07]

CNT,,,I'm soooo glad you decided to take the high road and are o.k.!! We were really worried about you!! ((((cntcope)))) I hope you make yourself 1st on the list today & tomorrow when it comes to finding a therapist,,,this is of utmost importance my dear!! You sound like a good human being that is going thru hell and doesn't deserve whats' currently going on in you & your family's life!!!

Like the others, on this board, have told you,,,WE ARE HERE FOR YOU,,,this is the greatest support system that I have!!!
BUT,,,nothing can replace a therapist!! A lot of us here already have therapists so the boards are a great bonus!! Things will get better,,,the cloud will lift and you will begin to see more options & ways of dealing with the issues that plague your mind right now!!

I wish you the best & will hopefully see you around here on the boards letting us know of your current situation! Remember you are a good person in a bad situation,,,but this too shall pass!

Take Care,
Kim

[Committed2Him]

Dear CANcope
(As hard as this is, you CAN cope even though you have already endured so much- we know you can because we have seen others do it even though it feels impossible at times ). We are pulling for you!

1st, even if you don't have anything to say to everyone, I'll bet you are reading these posts. So just type something like "I'm reading" or "thank you." and people will likely still post to you.

Michelle is THE Divorce Buster and a professional therapist. She has authored books, speaks professionally and has helped many, many people save their marriages. She from a broken home and yet made it her life mission to help people save their marriages but as she said:

...but when you get to the point of considering taking your life, it's a sign that you need to do something drastically different.

Reach out for local help including see the doctor about Anti depressants for as short a period of time as possible.

You may notice that some of the people who posted to you have been around these boards for a several years or longer, Why? Some tried to save their marriages and others still are trying. The reason why even those that wound up in divorce still come around is because we have found support, help, wisdom and sometimes just a cyber shoulder to cry on. One such person saw your post an told some others about it and they immediately came here to offer help and comfort.

We recognize your pain but also know how valuable you are to your kids.

Again, we are pulling for you like you can't even begin to imagine. Let us know you are hearing us.

[Committed2Him]

Regarding your alcohol use:

20 years ago (5/1/07), alcohol was destroying me. I thank God that through AA I stopped drinking but then a couple months later, I became a Christian and God took the desire for alcohol away from me.

As a depressant, it isn't helping even though you are relying on it to ease the pain. If you need too, reach out to A.A. It may seem scary but you will find UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE at any A.A. group meeting, anywhere in the world, any time of the day. I promise! A.A. Resources if needed. Work pressures and home pressures may be causing you to depend on alcohol and if you are afraid to stop relying on alcohol to ease the pain, then you really do want to consider these resources. 20 years ago, I was terrified to think about not using alcohol because I didn't think I could do it. Truth is, I didn't do it, my higher power did (my higher power is the Christian God but others rely on their own faith's or even an unknown higher power to help them).

AA Official site
AA Find a Meeting
AA Online

I am praying for you:

Dear God, who saved me from alcohol and who sustained me through my divorce. Reach out to this hurting woman and show her your love through people on this board and through others in her community including the doctors or counselors and even A.A. members if needed.

Thank you for hearing this prayer, thank you in advance for your help for her.

Amen

[pat44]

Hi CanCope:

I like the new name that commited is using.

I am so glad to see that you are okay.

You are a brave woman. I will chime in with the others. Please find a good counselor to work with you. It will help you regain your faith in yourself again and stop viewing yourself through your spouse's eyes.

take care,
AG