Things can change A LOT over time. You need to give your wife the time and space to realize this "good catch" who is so "adorable" (gag me!!!), is more likely, in reality, much different than what she's building him up to be.
By pulling away, focusing on you, GALing (building up that social life!), being able to survive without her if it becomes necessary, is really the best thing you can do now... and it sounds like you realize that.
If she does go to MC with you at this time, don't have any expectations. And keep in mind, while the affair is going, your wife may be a different person and what she's going to say and do will be quite different from what she'd say when it ends. I don't think people can commit too much to a marriage when they are in the midst of an affair.
At this point I wouldn't consider my marriage over if I were you. Until the last divorce papers are signed off by the judge you are still married and you lose nothing by holding the door open until then (just make sure you're building up a great life so if she wants to walk back in it's a great place to be, and if she doesn't it's still a great place to be... hope that makes sense!).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
