The old thread locked up so here's the new one. I don't have anything to report and have not heard from my WAW, attorney, or C. So no news of any kind. Devoting myself to the job search instead.
Well, nothing new to report either. I'm still not divorced but am actually looking forward to putting all this behind me.
I'm not sure if I told you this or not, and I guess I should have checked the other thread, so I apologize if I'm repeating myself.
My WAH called about 2 weeks ago to tell me that he had gotten a job. He wanted to know if his steel-toe shoes were in the closet. I told him that they were not. I didn't ask where he was working, and I didn't initiate any conversation only answered his questions. He got the hint, and we ended the phone call.
This time, I didn't have any bad dreams like the last time he called when he asked me if I was holding up the divorce. I'm still in pain but I don't dwell on my pain so much. My C thinks I'm doing good. It's going to be a year that we separated. We separated 3 Jun 06.
I've been keeping busy going out to dinner with friends and family. I'm also starting to discover that I kind of like yard work. I hired my neighbors to cut/trim my grass, but I actually like pulling the weeds. I'm thinking of doing some landscaping in the backyard.
I need to go back to part 1 and catch up with what's going on with you and everyone else. I see that you are job searching.
Ok, my friend, I'll check back later.
All my best, alamogirl
Me - 48 (at time of 1st bomb) H - 43 married - 16 Jul 94 no children 1st bomb - (said he was leaving) - 3 Jun 06 2nd bomb (said he was ready to file) - 10 Nov 06 H filed divorce - 17 Nov 06 Divorce finalized - 20 Jul 07
This time, I didn't have any bad dreams like the last time he called when he asked me if I was holding up the divorce. I'm still in pain but I don't dwell on my pain so much.
Good. I'm glad you're getting to a better place. You're on the upward swing and I think you find it continues to get better.
Originally Posted By: alamogirl
I've been keeping busy going out to dinner with friends and family. I'm also starting to discover that I kind of like yard work. I hired my neighbors to cut/trim my grass, but I actually like pulling the weeds. I'm thinking of doing some landscaping in the backyard.
Good for you! I've found keeping active and involved in things helps me feel better. I love gardening and can't wait for better weather when I can get back into the yard. I think you'll find it theraputic and (perhaps the best part) when you're done with something, you can sit back and admire it. It doesn't hurt the value of your home either.
Originally Posted By: alamogirl
I need to go back to part 1 and catch up with what's going on with you and everyone else. I see that you are job searching.
Not much to catch up on with me. Still the same old, same old. Only difference is that I lost my job and am now having to face that hurdle as well. As they say, when it rains, it pours. But many others here have taken the double hit as well so I'm not feeling too sorry for myself.
Thanks for linking your thread...it saved me some time.
You know, I'm trying to make that clean break from my H, but daggummit...I'm expecting a refund from the tax assessors' office. I double paid...what a dummy! The check is in both our names, so I need him to endorse it. I'm thinking of mailing it to him (before I endorse it) with a stamped addressed envelope.
I must say that I found some of the last posts on your thread very interesting. I can relate to almost everyone. Even though I'm moving on, I still play things over in my head. I'm not obsessive about it...I think it's normal, and it will go away in time. Trust me...this is the second time I've been down this awful road.
One of my friends thinks that the reason my WAH calls me from time to time is because he can't get over the fact that I've let him go without a fight. I don't know if that's true. If there is something I learned from my first divorce...it was that "you cannot make someone be with you when they no longer want to be with you." Yes, I know...I've got a knack for attracting the wrong men...ha! That marriage lasted 1 yr/9 mo. We actually lived together as man/wife for 9 mo. Anyway, my second husband knew how I felt about separation/divorce, so IF it's indeed true what my friend thinks, H should know better. I still love my H dearly, but I love myself too, and I have to watch out for my well-being so I'm moving on. That's the way I know how to heal from the pain.
What I've been feeling very sad about are the senseless killings at Virginia Tech. When things like this happen, it just puts things into perspective...at least it does for me. My problems are minimal compared to what the survivors of the deceased are going through :-(. May G-d comfort them, and give them strength.
Well, I guess I will close for now. I wish you the very best in your job search. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
All my best, alamogirl
Me - 48 (at time of 1st bomb) H - 43 married - 16 Jul 94 no children 1st bomb - (said he was leaving) - 3 Jun 06 2nd bomb (said he was ready to file) - 10 Nov 06 H filed divorce - 17 Nov 06 Divorce finalized - 20 Jul 07
I didn't realize your thread finally locked up. I had your old one book marked and kept looking at it to see if there were any updates. Oops.
I've been busy on the Craigslist divorce message board. Those people give horrible advice. Someone posts that their spouse wants a divorce and they don't know what to do and people respond with things like, "Your spouse is now your worst enemy. Get a lawyer and get all you can." I'm trying to move some of them over here.
You'll get a better job. Just wait and see. I've always gotten a better job every time I lost one.
Yeah, a lot of bad advice out there. I know my WAW lied (or at least didn't tell her friends the whole truth) and...not surprisingly...got a lot of "Just dump him. You deserve better." type advice. People give advice freely and, as is often the case, you get what you pay for.
I'm pretty early in the job search process so I'm not worried...yet. We'll see what happens. I've always been a very independent, self-sufficient person and although I don't think God caused or prompted my problems, I have come to believe He allowed them to occur to teach me to trust Him more. It has (and continues to be) a difficult lesson indeed.
My WAW called me the other night to say she had a question about the letter I'd sent her. If I didn't mention it earlier in the thread, with the encouragement of my C, I sent her a letter telling her a lot of stuff that I'd been keeping to myself and asking her to share with me what was on her heart and where she was at right now (no future talk).
At any rate, she said she is crafting a response to that letter. This is unusual behavior for her (at least recently) in that she has, up to this point, steadfastly avoided any talk regarding decisions we (either individually or jointly) will have to be making in the near future (apparently preferring to bury her head in the sand and pretend they don't exist) and has never written me anything. I have no idea what to expect so I'm not giving it any thought and will simply hear what she has to say when I finally receive it.
If she decides she definitely wants the D and a job is not forthcoming, I'm considering selling everything, investing it all in CDs, joining a non-profit aid organization, and going overseas. I've always felt a desire to help others and if I have neither a wife nor a job to hold me, perhaps this is God's way of nudging me.
For those of you wondering what's happening with me, well...nothing. As has become a usual part of my life, I know nothing, am told nothing, and have every reason to believe that by this time next week, I will still know nothing.
A week after the "I have a question about your letter" call, my WAW left a VM about some financial stuff. Tried to call her back but no answer. Tried the next night and left VM. She has CID so she knows I called and she has the VM as well. Nevertheless, we're nearly two weeks down the road and I've had no contact from her. I haven't received the "response" to my letter she said she was crafting either.
This is more of the same. Avoiding any talk regarding decisions we need to make and burying her head in the sand (apparently pretending they don't exist).
I'm quickly losing the ability to care...not out of anger, depression, or lack of desire to save our M, but out of sheer exhaustion.
I know what you mean about the exhaustion. My wife started wearing her wedding ring set again. I haven't even asked her what that's all about. I don't even feel like talking about it right now.
Ditto on the exhaustion, OF. There's always a ray of hope that this will end soon for each of us ... but as you have pointed out, it is a long process.
I haven't seen an update on your W filing. Did she not have to take some action soon or recently re: D?
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
