The thing that is bothering me the most is that he's already got a family... and he's always walking away from us. He'll have his *son* and his woman *ugh*.... and my family has fallen into nothingness..
That breaks my heart. It's not that I don't want him to be happy (I hope he finds his happiness), I just hate that he did all these things with me, and made these girls... and then decided he hated it. He has wrecked two innocent lives, and that bothers me. I feel responsible because for some reason he always makes me feel like I am defective and I am the reason he can't stand to stay. I know that it's not the truth... but it's a hard thing to shake.
I am just awaiting the papers now.... I hope it shakes him hard to get the papers from me (that might be wrong, but I want him to feel some shred of what he's put me through).
You're not defective, and if there are (or were) issues between you HE has done nothing to work on them. You on the other had are AWARE of them and are WILLING to resolve them.
He is just immature. You both were when you got married. One of you is growing up and the other one, well, who knows.
I am hanging onto Kevin with everything I have even though I know I should be done. I know what I should do and what I need to being doing. I just can't figure out how to make myself do it.
I've gone around the kevin-go-round again... he's soo good at sucking me into his games and twice as good at spitting me out drained.
I feel drained today... in everyway imaginable. When I think about Kevin I get mixed emotions... part of me knows what he is and how he will continue to act and another part jumps to his defense and swears up and down he could be different. I am so scared of being alone that I don't dare let go and walk away from Kevin... so I sit here and wait for him to break my heart again. It is bad for everyone invovled.... and I am waiting for the 2X4's but I don't know how to change. Everytime I think I've changed... he finds a way to manipulate me back into his game.... how will I know if change ever really comes?
Emily, you are already 'alone' in the sense that you're marriage is over. You are NOT alone in the sense that you have friends or family to be supportive.
You've done better without him. Take the chance on YOURSELF and let life reward you for being stronger.
you can keep hanging on and let him jerk you AND the girls around, or you can just shut the door and keep on going w/the divorce. The man wants you to be his side dish, to come to you for fun times and then walk away when he's had his fill.
You should know better by now, I wonder how your dds are feeling, protect them from this ignorant man for goodness sake!!!
You are worth more than the way he is pushing and pulling you around. Walk away and don't look back. You CAN find love again, you CAN have a happy family again without him!!
Or, you can pull yourself together, be at peace and then again let him in and destroy your save haven, and then let that happen over and over....
Do not put your girls and you at the mercy of this lunatic, you've given him PLENTY of chances and he's spat at each one.
Break all unnecesary contact w/him, send the D paper ASAP, try to go through the court or mediator to set up child visitation/payment so you dont' have to deal directly w/him. If he calls dont' let him ramble off, say your peace and hang up.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I took the papers I have to court hoping to catch up with Kevin and have him sign them.
I don't have the money for a full out divorce... but I got papers that if we both sign them it'll only cost me $110.00 to file them with the court. But he was a no show.... surprise.
I don't think I have the nerve to file the papers but at least I would've had the option if I could've gotten him to sign them.
Ah well.... inaction is nice anyway.
It's so easy to say that I need to get rid of him I need to hate him.... but it's sooo hard for me to do it. I am trying.... and everytime I take a step in the right direction... I step back and question myself. I'll get it right eventually.
It'd be easier to say "get rid of him" had I not been in that sitch, but I have been there..without the abuse you've endured--and I was only going to give my H a certain amount of time to come around or I was just going to shut the door on him and go on w/my life and my kids, because I discovered I *could* and *should* be happy without him.
No one says you have to hate him, had I divorce my H I prob would've loved him for a few more yrs, but I would have moved on with my life and mourned my M and just go on.
Tell yourself you can do it, make it a mantra, and it will come true.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
