CNT, I keep hearing that there are no coincidences. My XH and I were married for 25 years. When he gave me the I love you but I'm not in love with you speech and walked out the door my heart broke in a million pieces. About two months later, New Year's Eve Day, I think I truly realized he wasn't going to come home. I sat on the edge of our bed, loaded my .40, put a round in the chamber, and put the barrel to my head. Just as I was getting ready to squeeze the trigger the phone rang. I have no idea why I answered the phone -- I guess mom's just do that -- but it was a very dear friend of mine who was almost shouting at me..."What are you doing? I just had this flash from Heaven that I need to call you RIGHT NOW!"
I told her what I was doing. I guess I didn't see any point in lying to her but I stayed on the phone with her for hours, talking and crying. I finally promised her I would not kill myself and that I would call her any time of the day or night if I ever thought of suicide.
I've been divorced 18 months now. I'm blessed in many ways but do not always consider myself so. But, the greatest blessing I've had since then is my kids and grandkids. My eight-month-old twin grandchildren would never have had a chance to know me if I had pulled that trigger.
Please post back. I honestly can say I think I know how you are feeling and I'd be glad to give you my number and talk, too, if that would help you.
