I was you 5-6 years ago. I was suicidal too. And don't do it - I promise you it will get bettter. It did for me.
You are in a relationship with an emotionally abusive man. He has gotten into your head and you are believing the things he is telling you. HE IS WRONG!!!! You just can't think straight right now b/c you are seeing yourself through his eyes. HE IS THE SICK ONE - NOT YOU! YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AND YOU DESERVE TO LIVE AND BE HAPPY.
I know b/c the same thing happened to me.
From the outside I appeared attractive and successful. I was also the one that maintained the financial stability. When I was M, I started to hate myself. I believed all the things The X said. I believed I was a failure an attorney. I was convinced I was unfit to be a mother - The X refused to have children with me b/c he use to say that I was too screwed up to have childre. I believed I was a spouse batterer - and he was the one that did the battering. My head was all screwed up. I was confused.
I viewed myself through The X's eyes. I didn't trust my own judgement. I didn't trust my own feelings. I didn't trust my own senses. And I was too tired to get my brain to think.
I felt trapped. I thought about suicide. I felt stuck. I felt trapped. I felt like there was no future - that I had no reason to live. The X had a bottle of painkillers. I looked at them all night. I called a suicide hotline and they helped me. I flushed the pills down the toilet.
I also went to outpatient counseling for 6 weeks. And my world turned right side up again.
Your world will turn right side up again. Please do not end your life. People like us deserve to be happy. Trust me - you will be happy again. You will want to live again.
I need you to live so I can continue to believe that men like your H and The X will not win.
Please post back to me. Please talk to me about what you are feeling and thinking.
