wot shld i do?

[cntcope]

I have been married for 24 yrs, as a couple we moved emotionaly appart from each other 11 yrs ago. I am a great believer in making things work but i am so unhappy. My husband is 9yrs older than me, we haven't had sex in the last 7 yrs although he has bought viagre. He is now 55, he is a bully in the fact that he never recognises anything i do and blames me, he always keeps saying ' your son', 'when are you going to pay'. He is so rude to people and seems to great pleasure in telling me how he has put someone down. Oh god this is too hard this is the first time i have spoken about my feelings....he has become an old man, he has never attempted to no or understand the demands of my job, he never speaks to me, he is a froma different culture( my mother always new it was doomed) I am paying for the mortgage, he has lost his job 4times and i have picked up the pieces. We are financialy screwed, I am drinking too much, he goes to bed at 9pm.If I leave he is screwed cos he is ill yet being with him is making me mentally ill. I will give a typical day like today - He has not spoken to me all day, I have asked him one or two things and the response was a nod or no or yes.........another typical day would be he just asks me questions........have u payed, when are u going to...

too much for me to cope with please help

[cntcope]

he has also accused me of being a lesbian!! he hates all my female friends, he has never acknowledge that my job is demanding or valued, he expects me to be interested in his friends and football yet he always puts my work relationships down, he can never listen but has to always tell me how i should have done it better. Because he is so rude to people my son is finding it hard to get work in the same field becuase his attitude has so pissed of people. Having said this he is very good if not exceptional at his job but being foriegn has created predjudice and he has not been accepted. He really is very good at his job and this i can openly praise him for, but i have also come on a long journey yet he just ignores my efforts and blames. it is the silence that i am living with that is killing me.

[Heywyre]

Do you think he would be willing to go for counselling at all? From the sounds of things, I am thinking no.

The first thing you have to do is take care of YOU and your son. What decides to do with his life is not your responsibility.

Have you discussed the problems in your relationship/marriage? Have you grown apart because of illnesses or any other factors besides him losing his job quite often? There are so many variables and, like you said, this has been going on for at least 11 years. It doesn't happen overnight and it will take a long time to fix it but at least you have come to the right place for emotional support.

The people on this board are VERY helpful and as much as I can't give you much advice at this point, because I am still in a VERY difficult position myself, I can offer you a virtual hug (((cntcope))) and hope this is the start of a better place for you and your relationship

[cntcope]

sorry, even if no one responds at least i am talking, my closest friend told me 10 yrs ago to leave and walk away....i didnt listen cos i believe in marriage and the long haul... but.... wot is keeping me going is my job.... but i am not doing that well cos i am depresse.....have thought about suicide but my children need me because i am rational and they talk to me...... i dont wnt them to really on him cos there is nothing to realy on. sorry

[cntcope]

Heywyre

just read ur response and iam crying cos i thank u for ur hug........the tears are flowing cos i am truly so unhappy and just cant cope with the 'take care of you', i know what i want to do but it is such a leap and at 46 i am sad that this is wot i have let myself in for........i am so messed up.

[Heywyre]

Ok - the very FIRST thing you need to do is make an appointment with your doctor. I can tell you are seriously depressed and I know, I have been there and it is unbearable.

You most likely will have to go on anti-depressants for a while, not indefinitely, just until you can get a better grip on things. The AD will not take away the problems but it will help you sort things out in your mind and allow you to rationalize things a whole heck of a lot better than you are now.

Please do yourself this BIG favor and get to see someone ASAP

[cntcope]

gonna end it cant cope i am gonna take my dog and end lifes misery this is the the easiest way im sorry claire and mike cos i know how much u love me and i truly do, please love ur dad cos he will need u. claire u are beautiful, intelligent , u persevere, r hard working, u are brilliant and i really wish i was as intellligent as u at ur age u r also a fantstic musician just believe in urself, u r also so sexy please believe that.
Mike u might not have had the xam success but u r a people person, u have a loving and caring side that is so endiring, i know that u will succeed just both of u remember that u must not borow money if u cant afford it wait until u save.........thats where i/we went wrong. i love u sooooooo much i am sorry for the pain u r gonna go through.... i do love u, dad is not gonna cope so u will have to sort things out and be very strong.......forgive me.

life is gonna be [censored] for a while but make ur lives 'life is a long learning passage'.......... u r both fantastic people, i loved having u inside me and both of u

[qoe100]

Please call a suicide hotline immediately. There are other ways to resolve your situation and no matter how old your kids are, they will always need you. Please don't do anything that would harm them emotionally.

This will get better. A lot of us have been in your position and fought through it and are living wonderful lives now. You can too!!!

[Kim07]

Heywyre,,,are you going to ask a facilitator to come in or should I?? Haven't had this for awhile and it sounds very real!

Kim

[StrongEnough]

cntcope- I hope you are still around. I have been where you are. I have felt that the only way for me to escape my misery was to end my life. I am here to tell you that it's NOT so. No matter how much it hurts now, no matter how much that pressure in your chest feel like you are about to explode....it WILL and DOES get better. (((HUG))) I agree with qoe, please call someone immediately. If you can't please go to your closest emergency room. They will help you. You are so valuable to this world, to your family's world. Please know that no one is worth commiting suicide for.

Please let us know you are ok and still with us.

~SE