Ok - the very FIRST thing you need to do is make an appointment with your doctor. I can tell you are seriously depressed and I know, I have been there and it is unbearable.

You most likely will have to go on anti-depressants for a while, not indefinitely, just until you can get a better grip on things. The AD will not take away the problems but it will help you sort things out in your mind and allow you to rationalize things a whole heck of a lot better than you are now.

Please do yourself this BIG favor and get to see someone ASAP

Heywyre

M - 57
H - 65
1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02
2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06
together 21 years
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Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)