Bad night last night. I will try and post more later, but I am taking the kids to a birthday party and need to be leaving.
Here it is in a nutshell: Somehow for my H, us having kinky sex validates him and when I say I don't want to, he gets VERY upset and says he feels horribly rejected. He wants to take our sex to a "higher level" and canNOT understand how *I* can't understand the correlation. When I sum it up in my head, "to help him forget the hurts of 15 years ago, he needs to have anal sex with me," I feel used and I don't like it. I am not necessarily saying never, but I kind of told him last night that I was not feeling terrific, it had nothing to do with him, I was just feeling kind of moody, sensitive, sick/etc. I don't understand why some "simple sex" involving oral, is not good enough? I feel like he thinks if it's not a certain KIND of sex, it doesn't count. I explained that when we have some little misunderstandings, etc., it is harder for me to feel comfortable being "vulnerable" around him. He keeps saying, "it's ME, Robin! How can you not feel comfortable around ME?!" He says it's the ultimate in rejection.
