LMBF, I am so glad to hear that you are beginning counseling. It's so helpful to be in a relationship where someone (even a stranger) cares about you, and focuses on your needs.
The reason we're all having marital problems is because our unresolved issues have caught-up with us. The important thing is to use this crisis to become aware of what they are, and work-thru them.
Learning to live your life in a way that promotes happiness, and getting better at giving and receiving love are what's going to increase the likelihood of reconciliation and healing in the M.
You don't want him back if he's not willing to work on himself and commit to the M. What you have then is a M of convenience--a coexistence.
He can be cold and distant to you as long as he's not abusive. Let him be angry and irritable. Your conversations with him are likely not going to be constructive at this time.
Have you started reading "Divorce Remedy" by Michelle Weiner Davis? It helps people to put together a plan to manage the marital crisis.
I also recommend "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. She talks about the process of moving from "pain to power." Everyday you will be faced with the choice of allowing events to paralyze you, or have the courage to accept things as they are (even if you don't completely understand) and move forward.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
