lonely and tired of caring

[RedHeadWife]

Check out what I wrote over on TiredofPain's thread. It applies here as well.

As I said over there, I just re-read a letter H wrote to me after he dropped the D bomb. A lot of his issues went back to right after 1st son was born as well.

I can't really explain why this happens to us women, but I guess I have to say that it's just the whole "mom" thing. Why does it happen? I don't know. For me, like I've said before, all these years, I was always trying to be the "mom" I thought I should be -- June Cleaver or something, but that's just not me so therefore I was always unhappy trying to be someone I wasn't and couldn't be and thinking that was what I should be.

Anyway, you do need to have that sit down. As far as her lack of desire, I know that as soon as I realized that I could lose H (and even before I knew he was having another EA), my blinders were taken away and I realized how very sexy and attractive he still is to me. I look at him now and wonder why I wasn't seeing this all along and I truly don't know the answer to that.

If you guys are going to MC, I would probably just upchuck it all then. I don't know if I would even try to have any sort of sit-down talk w/ her prior to that time. Then the MC will know all that you're feeling as well for future appointments, etc.

I think what it comes down to is that she needs to realize how serious things are and needs to WANT your M to work out and needs to want to put in the effort it takes to fix things. Also, as for how you are feeling about her, my H had gotten to the point where he only loved me as a person and the mother of his children. I would try to initiate and he would say "I don't want THAT from YOU." Well, I think as time has gone on, he has gotten those feelings back for me - either that or he's a darn good actor and I don't think that's the case. So, what I'm saying is that as she changes her views and actions, your feeings for her can change and go back to feeling positive about her and your M.