Just as we all have our inner child so does she. Her actions show that her inner child is insecure. Afraid. Fear translates easily into anger and/or standoffishness. A lot of angry people are simply afraid of something deep inside. Her little girl is learning to be a "real" woman now, not the hardened shell she's been carrying around all this time. She's afraid of you hurting her by looking down on being feminine. She's afraid of other women pointing out her deficiencies. By being a "tom-boy" she's had an excuse ("See, I act like a guy so I don't get compared to you.") and now she's dipping her toe in the water.
Women's social actions are more complex than men's and they're always under the microscope ("Oh, did you see what she was wearing?...Oh, see that little tummy, I bet she's put on weight. Oh, she's got a lot of fat on her thighs. Look at the way she eats, what a slob"). Where men compete on a more physical plane, women compete socially and the battles can be merciless. Women are much crueller mentally than men by nature and social training at a very young age (you're part of the group/you're not part of the group), it's part of the psyche. Whereas men can conceivably go it alone, women need the support of a group, it's part of their nurturing environment (nesting) needs.
Now she's starting something that many females go through in their pre-teens/teens. Her insecurity will cause her to pause. Show her strength and compassion. Be the leader, but make sure she's by your side and not behind you or she'll think her changes lessen her.
You're now on a very thin path and it will be easy to make a misstep. Good luck and I keep hoping for that break through moment for you Xue. It will come but you are going to have to keep showing your ungodly patience. I want to be Xue when I grow up!
