Oh man, what the heck. Gave SIL a ride today to grab some coffee and hang out a bit. SIL, FIl and it seems everyone else thinks W is out of her mind to want this divorce.
I called W to say I'm on my way home, W mentioned a concert she wants to see on the 24th. I said that would be cool and she launches into how this doesn't mean anything and how she isn't attracted to me and doesn't want to be with me socially, physically, sexually, emotionally or any other -lly there is or could be. So after getting blasted then she tells me that I just don't get how hard this is for her, how much I just don't know her because if I knew her I would know how much it goes against her nature to reject someone, to say these things to someone.
I have to admit.., I lost it. Everything hit me, I broke. I told her that I do know her and that's why I think things can change because I do know her nature, I do know how she is and I'm begging God and working my butt off to break through all the stuff between us and reach that part of her. W said, it won't change and it's not wrong or sinful for her to want out. That it won't change because she has felt this way for so long. She says she feels absolutely nothing for me and doesn't want to even talk to me, let alone give me the time to see if this can work.
I really blew it here. I told her that she hasn't tried everything, she said she has. I said you have tried while I continued to mess up, let's see what happens in a few months if I'm not messing up, ie; no chasing, no pursuing, nothing that brought us/her to this point. She said she doesn't want to wait 6 months or a year and definitely not 5 years, her feelings are gone and she doesn't want to wait for them to return.
She swears there is no one else and she doesn't want to be with anyone else, she just wants to be away from me.
I have no reason to believe there is anyone else. I don't know what to believe. I'm holding on as tight as I can right now but I just feel like walking away. This hurts so bad. I'm fighting for something, for someone that's not interested in anyway and has made that clear.
