tomorrow will be two weeks since my h left. he left me for a 19 yr old and he is 38. she is also married and is divorcing her husband and my h wants a divorce. he has been over to the house three times since he moved out. all he does is get on the laptop to check his email and then sit on the couch and text god knows who probley the ow. then he is cold and doesn't say anything to me or the kids. i don't know what to do i hate this and i don't want the divorce we have been married for 11 years. please help i am about to go nuts.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
Thats just it they just met in feb.(matter of fact he hired her for one of the stores for the company he works for) and things are moving so fast. He has not contacted an attorney but when he moved out he told me that he wanted to pursue things with the ow and wanted a D and the ow is getting a D from her h. i don't want this. i just want my h back but how can i compete? he wants his freedom. he loves our children but he is tired of being tied down to children and responsibilities at home. with her everything is new and they don't have problems like we do.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
LMBF, Wow, things are moving fast for those two. It won't last. The honeymoon period will end. You don't have to compete with her. As you say, everything is new, with no problems. It's a matter of time before it starts to develop some.
You have to be patient. Use this time to think about what you can do to become a happier and more loving person. This is the work that needs to be done if there is going to be reconciliation, and eventually healing in the M.
There's always something to work on. Do you need to make more friends? Do you need to take better care of yourself? Do you need more recreation in your life? Do you need to go to church or religious group and work on becoming a better person?
I hope he doesn't neglect his children during this time, while you two are going thru your marital problems.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL i really appreciate that. i dont really have any friends. i have one down the street and u(pretty sad i know) i have wrapped myself so much in my children and husband that i never had time for myself. my family keeps telling my that it wont last two and i am praying that all of you are right. i do have a lot that i need to work on. i am about to start counceling. my h refused to go but i have issues of my own that i need to work on. i have gained alot of weight in my marriage. i was 125 when i got married. igot up to 261 pounds. i was working on my weight and had dropped 50 pounds and his response was that he couldn't see a difference. since he has left i have dropped my exercising which i know is the worst thing i could do but i am really having a hard time. as far as getting a hobby i feel like i dont even know myself anymore so where do i start? i am a stay at home mom so i dont have a lot of chances to meet new people. and that is another thing not only for myself but to show my h that i can loose the weight, i am gonna have to get a job when school starts back in the fall and i will feel more confident about my interviews if i were to loose more weight. truthfully, i think my h and i do need to be separated right now to work on our issues,it would just be easier if the ow wasnt in the picture. how is he suppose to realize what he is missing if he has her and what do i do about him being so cold and distant when he comes over.? I don't know what to do and i am sorry that this is so long.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
LMBF, I am so glad to hear that you are beginning counseling. It's so helpful to be in a relationship where someone (even a stranger) cares about you, and focuses on your needs.
The reason we're all having marital problems is because our unresolved issues have caught-up with us. The important thing is to use this crisis to become aware of what they are, and work-thru them.
Learning to live your life in a way that promotes happiness, and getting better at giving and receiving love are what's going to increase the likelihood of reconciliation and healing in the M.
You don't want him back if he's not willing to work on himself and commit to the M. What you have then is a M of convenience--a coexistence.
He can be cold and distant to you as long as he's not abusive. Let him be angry and irritable. Your conversations with him are likely not going to be constructive at this time.
Have you started reading "Divorce Remedy" by Michelle Weiner Davis? It helps people to put together a plan to manage the marital crisis.
I also recommend "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. She talks about the process of moving from "pain to power." Everyday you will be faced with the choice of allowing events to paralyze you, or have the courage to accept things as they are (even if you don't completely understand) and move forward.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
i have read divorce remedy and it is how i found this website. actually i have read it twice. i have not read the book divorce busting but i am going to get it maybe it will have a few more ideas or suggestions. i will also look for the other book "Feel the fear and do it anyways" and i do agree what you said about my h needing to change to. i am hoping that things will end with the ow and he will realize that with me and the kids is where he wants to be and will realize that he has some changing to do to. i just wish i could fast forward a year or two and all of this will be over with. i just dont understand what a 19 yr old sees in a 38 yr old man with kids. he says for a man of his age to have a girl her age is like a trophy. i am so confused. my says he wants a D but he doesnt want lawyers and judges deciding everything for us. he wants us to do that they can just do the paperwork needed. i hate this.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
i am about to go nuts my h ow texted message me today. she told me how sorry she is for everything and that she didn't mean for this to happen and that my h has said a lot of good things about me so i must be a good person and again she is sorry. i think i am more angry at my h for giving her my number. i havven't texted her back or said any thing to my h about it pretty much bc i don't know what to do at this point does anyone have any advice i am about to go nuts.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
