Well, that's what he said, that he has a lot of built up resentment against me for our M. He says I never worked to help out. I did work some, and until I was 7 mos. pregnant, then stayed home with our S. When S was in elementary school I did volunteer work almost every day. In middle school, it slacked off a lot, but I was available for stuff at the school, and for transporting kids to activities away from school. We had talked about my going back while S was in middle school, but time just slipped up on us, and here S is in the 8th gr. He said I neglected him sexually, and I would say that was true, but have made a COMPLETE 180 on that, and he has said so. We argued, and he would stand in the doorway and ask why I hated him. I would say I didn't hate him, and sometimes he would get nasty and call me names, and I would say he made me that way, and he would go off and cry in another part of the house, or go downstairs and drink and pass out. He said I didn't care enough to come and see what was wrong, because if I had, I would see that he was crying. He said the EA was my fault, and he had to have someone to talk to, because he couldn't talk to me, and that he had tried to tell me things were bad, but he never sat me down and told me things were this serious. He said he did, and that he would tell me and our S that we would miss him when he was gone. He said his plan was to wait till S was 18 and then just tell me he had had enough and walk out, or to just leave and not say anything at all, just go. I never knew he could be so deceptive, or write our marital history, as though it was all bad. What's weird is that recently we will bring up fun stuff we have done over te years, and I wonder if he is beginning to think that maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought it was. Well, anyway he said the EA was not wrong, and he had no remorse, and he didn't want to be forgiven, because he did nothing wrong to be forgiven for. Now, that was months ago, and I can tell that the guilt did bother him, maybe still does. But, anyway, that is why he says he doesn't know how long he will hold onto the resentment. Maybe since I told him what I did, he will think about it, and decide it isn't worth it to hold onto resentment as though it were a precious possession.
I have been feeling forgiveness towards him, and I try to make our home a peaceful place for him, and he is coming home on time most of the time, and usually will call if he will be late. He just says he wants to know why I didn't change years ago, and it seems no matter what I tell him, he has to ask again another time.
