Happy Together at Long Last!!!

[Jen_Jam]

Thank you both SO much!!!

Cadesmom - you are absolutely right and it's a decision I've come to. What works for us is me leaving things for a while. I know the times H is receptive to talks and it's when he's relaxed, we've talked of "safe" things and he's laughing and in a good mood. Then I approach him with a kind of "there is no way I want to hurt you and I really regret our argument" and he's usually open then.

Rob - i hadn't thought of it as a trap, but now you've said it YES I do see it like that. I realised I was keeping my focus on the negative, I said in my previous post I was getting a bit drmamtic and you know what? I had gone right into PANIC!!!! mode, and that never gets anyone anywhere.

There are planty of positives, but I was overlooking them. H HAS been holding my hand, he HAS been giving me a few more hugs. It's not much, and it's not all I want, but I will accept it's a small step towards a larger goal.

One of my H's biggest "things" (for want of better word) is to feel that he makes me happy. He has said many times he likes it when I am happy. It's very touching. SO - when I've caught him in the act of taking one of these baby steps toward more intimacy I've shown my appreciation - not too over the top, that would look false, but a simple smile works wonders for him.

I've realised as well I need my old friend patience. I have very little and like things to be resolved quickly, and am happy to take charge of something when I feel it's not moving along. Now, at work this is a GREAT trait for me to have but it's the complete opposite for my M. So I have been "acting as if" and cheeleading H. Tonight we are both staying out with friends (different friends) so I'll see him tomorrow, and although my heart feels it would be nice to be together my head tells me "don't be silly! it's ONE night, you'll both have a great time and come back to each other refreshed". H and I do need the odd times apart (nights/days out I mean) because it IS good for us.

OK - I'm back on track. My diary helps A LOT!!! I filled in 4 sides of A4 yesterday, but better to sort my thoughts out on paper than try to explain them to H when they are really muddled. Which leads me to the last point, I didn't feel I expressed my "I would like more intimacy" very well. I wasn't goal orientated enough. I will sort that out when H is open to talking and tell him some of the things I like - for example, when he scrubs my back in the bath, or when he tells me I look lovely. Concrete things he can achieve - at the moment I feel he is trying to work out what I want and fretting that he's going to get it wrong. The time to talk will come, but I will wait until he's rceptive.

OK - gotta go, Friday night awaits Take care all - the way of the DB'er is not an easy one but it IS a noble one.