Oh, believe me...I do know what you mean. I've lived it LOL.
You could do something as simple as walk up behind her and kiss her on the neck and turn her around continuing the kiss...there you go, you've just initiated. It's desire for her.
I cannot tell you how many times I've said to my own H, "it would thrill me to death to have you take me by the hand and lead me to the bedroom." However my H, at least the past would turn it into needing to be some big production in his mind...like I wanted to be ravaged like some heroine in a romance novel.
Has she flat out said to you in the past....I want to be ravaged? If so, well then...I can see why that might have been difficult for you. If not, then what gave you that impression?
I can say (at least speaking for myself) that I never once told my H I wanted to be ravaged. I told him I wanted him to show me he desired me or found me sexy....and HE interpereted it to mean that I wanted to be ravaged like in a romance novel, which kept him paralyzed because that was way beyond him at the time.
GEL
Oh yeah ... she has used the word "ravaged" several times. It's just been hard for me to act like an aggressor (initiator). There was a time for a short while after I got my vasectomy that I did act like this, but I don't know why it waned. I can only conclude that I have some F-ed up, deep-seeded weirdness going on in my mind about being the initiator, and it keeps coming back to haunt me. I recently was emailing back and forth with my high-school girlfriend on MySpace and I flat out asked her if she remembered me being sexually aggressive. She thought about it and determined that I had not been. Now, this was a time when I believed I was - I used to have phone sex with that girl for like 2 or 3 hours at a time. But apparently I have not ever been perceived as an initiator. And the hell of it is ... I want that kind of sexual relationship - I just don't know how to make it happen. Perhaps thats why I always dated more agressive girls ... like my wife and my high-school girlfriend. Even my first girlfriend! This is something I'm really hoping to figure out in therapy - along with getting rid of my depression. I just hope it's not too late for my marriage.
