Thank you for writing, too. I hear what you're saying but it's so hard to put into practice. I am trying so hard to put my pride and hurt aside and act in new ways that can soften things, but he's really putting up walls. He's rewriting history.
I don't have a DB coach, but am thinking about it, although I wonder what good it could possibly do when he has said he wants a D, and we're in process of doing the things we have to do to move that along (getting the equity of the house determined, paying off some joint accounts, etc.). He seems so focused on getting out, even though I don't think he really understands what he is in for. Just talking to him about simple things is so difficult, he's so accusatory and has so many preconceived ideas about what I'm thinking, what I'll say, what my motives are ... and I just keep wondering where the hell did this come from?
I have truthfully tried to objectively look at my role in how we got here, and I see mistakes I have made. But he is so unwilling to acknowledge his contributions. I have to look past that, I guess, according to the things I've read in DB/DR. I like what I read in DB/Dr, I really do, but I am having a hard time thinking this will have any impact when he appears to incredibly focused on getting out of the house and away from me.
I talked to one of the DB coaches for an initial consult (I found her separately through the Association of Marriage/Family Therapists and she happens to have an office about a half-hour from my home, then I found out she was affiliated with DB), and I do like her, I'm just so doubtful about what it will do. I know, what is there to lose? I really think the only thing that could possibly help is him getting out of here and us having time away from each other. And I'll keep doing the positive things for my life and my daughter, and be as kind as I can to him (while protecting myself financially and emotionally), and perhaps that will have an impact on him. Who knows.
You said you are in "piecing" stage, can I ask what that really means in terms of your relationship? Thanks! Just curious.
Again, thanks for responding. I think this board is providing great help and insight for me, at a time when I feel like I don't know which way is up. :o) Take care - Sam
