Ya know, in re-reading this thread, i feel that I come accross as "shooting down" advice from others. This is not, I assure you, my intent. While I have attempted most, if not all, of the suggestions offered her, I find the catharsis of laying out my feelings/experiences here to be worth it. PLEASE keep the responses comming. Even if I have been there done that, got the t-shirt, it may be that there is some nugget that I have missed or someones observation of a blind spot that I may have that helps me to put things in a better perspective. OTOH, It may be that I simply need to pack it in and move on.
In that vein I think, that, to some extent I already have. I feel my emotional ramparts being erected daily. While I know that this is counter to effective communication, I feel that after 12 + years of negitive messages and emotional distance/manipulation by her to be more than enough time to accept the abuse. Make no mistake, I consider what she does and how she acts to be abuse. It just took almost 13 years for me to come to terms with this reality.