Well he called last night to say good night. At 9 pm. No hello to me, just.. can I say good night? I put S4 on the phone and he said good night. He was preoccupied with his game boy which I hope made H sad that he wasn't getting the attention. Then they hung up. I am feeling so lost! I am so afraid to let go. I know I have to pull it together for the kids and I do when I am around them but I am barely functioning at work. My days is torturous! I count the hours until it ends and I can possibly see him for 5 minutes while we exchange the kids. He picks them up from school since I can't leave in time. But every exchange is just a reminder of how uncomfortable we are around each other suddenly. Just the smallest and most common gestures are awkward. His hugs goodbye are vacant and emotionless.
I need to get mad but right now I am so devastated by this that I can't get past my sorrow! I don't know how much more of this I can take. My body is fighting this. I am constantly feeling sick. I am tired, I am starting to have panic attacks again. Today I had 3. I know it is going to take time but I just miss him so much.
