Glad to see you're not giving up. I'm not either and I'm taking your advice. I'm going to start my own thread. As I was reading my posts(because I was going to paste quotes from them to my own thread) I remembered why I came here to begin with. I want to save my marriage and fight to beat the odds. I've been keeping up reading your thread because it's so similar to my sitch that it helps me stay afloat. But I just have to share this with you, in your last response to me you said:
"You can pay hundreds of thousands of dollars in counseling and attorney's and never get better advice than that. It's YOU who needs to change first, and right now before it's too late.
You need to recognize YOUR weaknesses, YOUR failings, YOUR lousy attitudes. Look in the mirror and ask yourself why your H would want to ML to you. What have you done lately to earn his respect and desire? What have you done lately to diminish his respect and desire?
See you can't directly control another person, but YOUR actions are completely under your control. And every action has a consequence, good and or bad. I'd listen to your pastor, and take a good hard look in the mirror.
Take a deep look at yourself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually."
Oh Cog, I realized that that's all I've been doing for the last 15 years - looking in the mirror and trying to be a better wife, keeping my mouth shut, being submissive always trying to change myself to please him and constantly looking for ways to make him happy- putting myself to one side most of the time, beating myself up so to say for my attitudes, weaknesses and failings. As a matter of fact I looked through some of my old journals and it's been the same I'm always trying to make myself better for my H. Now in your latest post you write:
"She's gonna figure things out. She tells me to just keep on being ME, and that's just what I'll do! I'm not taking her crap and I'm not shutting up. I'm not laying down, cowering, and taking it in the arse. Nope, my chin's up, and I'm looking good. I'm gonna ride this pony to the end of the field. She can buck and kick and squeal, but I ain't jumpin off. I'm gonna tame this shrew, or I'm gonna die tryin."
That's what I've been doing for the last two years - not taking his crap, not shutting up not laying down, etc. etc. I think I've done enough looking in the mirror and trying to be someone I'm not. I think change has to come naturally not by making yourself and also God can change you. I'm going to keep my chin up and be who I am and if that's not desirous to him then it's not.
I brought the subject up to him 2 days ago SSM and we really got into it, looked like he was ready to walk out but I stood my ground and he actually asked if we could go to counseling. Of course I said yes and I'm going to make an appt.(keep me in your prayers). Maybe your wife will break soon too. I'll keep your sitch in my prayers as well. Thanks for all of your advice. I'll let you know where my thread is soon.
