As for porn, This may sound SO niave (sp?), but I've asked him outright (heck, I've even ask him is he was gay) and he says that he doesn't look at anything like that. And I do believe him. As for the computer thing, we have cleaninter.net and nothing gets by that baby. I can't even buy langerie or romance novels online However, he is away at the firehouse 24hrs a day and they have "websense" now that I think about it, so no go there either. Never found anything as much as "naughty" hidden away anywhere....I do know one thing, he orgasms quick and it bothers him. But I've never made it an issue because he always cares for my needs first. Lately, he has taken viagra.
Hi Passionate,
Firstly, no you are not naieve in asking your H if he views porn (or if he's gay) and taking his word for it, however...FWIW, I also asked my H those things and he lied to my face.
Secondly, my H also has an issue with being a "quick shooter" as our MC puts it. I have always believed this is an issue for him and that he's embarrassed about it, but I NEVER make an issue out of it...and he makes an effort to make sure I'm taken care of.
I would steer clear of hypnosis....BUT if your H is willing to see therapists, which it appear he is since you two have been to your pastors and a couple of other therapists....what about a therapist who specializes in Marital/Sexual issues? They do indeed exist. You need someone who literally specializes in the issues you two are having. Someone who will recognize it's not as simple as you initiating all the time because...well, that kills your spirit as you know....and does nothing but bypass the issue. The counselor who told him "she wants you go have sex" didn't get the gravity of the issue. I'm betting he's experiencing something akin to....he has a drink of water in front of him, he's dying of thirst....but for some reason his arms just won't reach out for that glass of water, no matter how much he wills them to....only take that analogy and apply his want to have sex with you.
My H experiences something similar to this himself. He WANTS to have sex with me. He knows I want to have sex with him and I will NEVER turn him down, but there is SOMETHING inside him that prevents him from actually taking some action to initiate. He'll talk about it during the day, something like "lets make sure to settle in early tonight so we can mess around"....but then he'll let the night go by and never do a thing. The next day I know he's disappointed in himself for not doing anything.
I however, do not take the lead anymore (unless I'm really horney). Why? Because he has to learn how to take the lead, my taking the lead too often doesn't force him to step up and out of that comfort zone.
Interestingly enough my H mentioned something about Viagra the other day, I don't think it will work for him...because the plumbing works....but I told him if he wanted to give it a try...I'm all for it. I'll support him in any of his efforts.
Find a therapist who specializes in sexual issues.
However, he is away at the firehouse 24hrs a day and they have "websense" now that I think about it, so no go there either. Never found anything as much as "naughty" hidden away anywhere....I do know one thing, he orgasms quick and it bothers him. But I've never made it an issue because he always cares for my needs first. Lately, he has taken viagra.