No it's not an illness, it's more of a conditioning. Much of it starts with his FOO issues and how sex was viewed in his family and how he was raised.
So, is it his fault? Absolutely not. Did he know right from wrong? Yes, the actions he took to meet his sexual needs were wrong and hurtful, THAT part was his fault. At any given time he could have admitted what he was doing...at the very least to our therapist....but he didn't. Although our therapist honestly believes he was trying to get the courage up to do so when I found out. Perhaps that's WHY I found out...he began to get careless and I got fed up.
Now that I know how he views sex I can help him address it, so can our MC when we see her. Much of his issues in our M and his hiding what he was doing from me was that he really didn't trust that I am indeed the type of woman I say I am. He didn't trust that what I said was what I meant...that I wanted the type sex he was looking for, that it was supposed to be a part of a healthy marriage etc. He is 47 this month...he's had well over 43 years of conditioning to maintain this view on sex....it takes time to change that view.
