With Whore/Madonna, from what I've learned so far it's not a matter of just staying off the internet, avoiding porn, masturbating excessively....or whatever it is he does. It literally is a matter of learning to view sexuality differently, to learn to view his wife differently, to learn to view sex within his marriage...differently. I'm still not sure if Passionate1's H has it either, but I can explain from my experience with my H and Heywyre seems to have a parallel story.
For my H his view of sex is that you don't have sex with someone you respect, that is viewed as something dirty that you do with someone you have no respect for, no feelings for. Now, my H has a great deal admiration, love, and respect for me. He had put me on a pedestal and viewed me as the perfect wife/mother (I'm not but he treated me as such.) So, sex...for anything other than procreation was not something he thought about when it came to me, and even then it was to get it over with and always exactly the same thing, no extras. He would literally NEVER approach me for it, I alway had to initiate something and then it was over so fast I would be left wondering if I actually had sex.
When he would go online for his sexual fix on Adult Friend Finder he would find women that fit a very typical stereotype of what many people would perceive as a slut, their online persona would elicit that reaction. His IM's with these women were VERY sexual in nature, it was a side I NEVER saw. These were women he would NEVER have gotten involved with in any other capacity, they were to be used for sex and that was it. These were women that he could get his "dirty" sexual fix with and defile BECAUSE that's what they were for (in his mind.) Fortunatey for me, he never physically cheated on me with anyone, but it's not uncommon for someone with Whore/Madonna.
In order for him to begin to work past this once it was identified (and it was identified when I installed a keylogger and discovered his activities) yes, he did have to end his online activities...but that was the minor, easier part for him to do. He's STILL working on trying to view me as the sexual woman that I am. He's STILL working on learning that a healthy sexual, mutually fulfilling relationship is a good and healthy thing in a marriage. He's literally having to retrain his brain to think about this differently, to reconcile that someone he loves and respects has an inner porn star as part of her sexual side...and that is not an easy thing for him to come to terms with.
He's been through counseling for several months after my discovery...we've only stopped going within the last few months because now we're at a point where NOW it's something he just has to get used to and become comfortable with the fact that it's ok. He's doing better, but it's going to take....heck, I don't know how much more time before he becomes really comfortable with it. He may never truly be completely comfortable with it, but he may. Fact is now though, he's aware of it and he makes an effort to meet my needs now....and has stayed away from his previous activities.
Oh, I forgot to answer your question about what I did with the info from the keylogger....I confronted him. In my view....he had been cheating on me and that's how we dealt with that. That's how our MC dealt with it and in order to rebuild my trust in him he did the things a cheating spouse would have to in order to help heal me and regain my trust. He's done those things without question.
